continued...
Natalie was tired of being in her room and decide to take a walk. She checked her closet and noticed only a robe there. She had hoped to find some real clothing. She slipped into the robe, realizing it would be quite difficult to tie so she just let it be.She left her room and started down the hall.
Why should I stay here? she wondered, knowing how easy it would be to slip out. All she had to do was get to the doctor or nurse's lounge, grab a pair of scrubs and change. Then she could just walk out any door. She figured she could probably even sign her own discharge papers.
She made it to the lounge without being spotted and ducked in, relieved to see it was empty. She looked around until she found a clean pair of scrubs. She grabbed the right size top and bottoms and stuck them under her robe, holding them in place with her arm.
She headed back to her room to change, knowing it was the safest place to do so.
She had almost reached her room when she heard a familiar voice.
"You're looking better today," Schanke said.
"I feel better."
Schanke noticed she did seem to look a little more relaxed, a little more at peace.
"I'm glad. You had everyone worried. Why would you..."
"I'm sorry I worried everyone. I didn't." She knew he would not believe her. A part of her did care what he thought, and another part didn't.
Schanke knew that denial would not help matters. "Natalie..."
"Does everyone know? Do they think I did it?"
"Not everyone knows yet. Those who do, believe the evidence."
"What are the most interesting reasons why?"
"They don't matter. The only thing that does is *your* reason."
"Humor me," Natalie said.
Schanke sighed. "They range from you and Nick had a massive blowup to your job got to you and you couldn't take it anymore. One or two thought you had some deep secret which had taken it's toll on you, or that it was about to be discovered."
"Wow." Natalie looked Don straight in the eye "what do *you* believe."
He was a bit unnerved by the question and the way they were eye to eye. He sighed, again, "I honestly don't know what to think. The evidence is pretty compelling. You don't seem like the type. But then again... there is no real type, is there?"
Natalie shook her head, "no there isn't." She knew he was waiting for an answer to his earlier question. "I have no reason. I like my life, I'm happy. Even the shrink didn't think I had problems."
"You saw a shrink?"
"Yeah. She came by, we talked. How do you think I got free?"
"I hadn't really given it much thought. I just figured they'd probably released you because you were calm and didn't seem dangerous."
"Nope. I had to talk to her first." Natalie's arm was tired of keeping the scrubs pressed against her body.
Schanke noticed that she seemed to be hiding something. He reached over. "Let me see,"
"See what?"
"What you're hiding."
"What makes you think I'm hiding something?"
"The fact that you're keeping your arm tight against your body and haven't moved it the whole time we've been talking."
Natalie reluctantly let the scrubs drop. "I was tired of the drafty gown."
"I think that's part of it. The other part wouldn't happen to be escaping, now would it?"
"No," Natalie said, only partly lying. "I know I'm here for three days. Then I'm free."
Schanke studied her and decided she was probably telling the truth.
"Do you need help changing?"
"I want to try it on my own first."
"Okay. I'll stop by later. I just wanted to see how you were doing today."
"Thanks for dropping by," Natalie said, genuinely pleased he cared enough to come by.
Schanke headed for the elevator and Natalie went into her room. She knew she could change but it wouldn't be easy. At least this time she didn't have to be quite as careful not to break her sutures. She didn't want to, but if it happened, they'd fix her right back up.
Schanke knew how much Natalie hated hospitals and wondered if she would indeed stay put.
Meanwhile, Natalie had changed and slipped back into her robe, tying it up as best she could. She opened her door, grimacing as she pulled the door open, and left.
She headed down the hallway and for the elevator. She pushed the button to call it. When it arrived she stepped on it and pushed the lobby button. She realized she didn't have any shoes. She hoped no one would notice she was barefoot. She slipped out of her robe.
She stepped out of the elevator and left her robe on the nearest bench.
She approached the front door and freedom.
"You lied."
Natalie stopped dead in her tracks, surprised to hear Schanke's voice coming from behind her. She turned to face him.
"I didn't lie. I wasn't planning it when we talked. But... when you left I wondered if I could get out, even if just for a little while." She noticed he approached as she spoke.
"Why not just go outside on one of the patios? Why the front door? That seems more like you're not coming back."
"I don't know why."
"I'll make you a deal. You come back upstairs with me and promise you'll stay put until they release you and I won't tell anyone."
"Okay. Thanks." She saw him looking sternly at her. "I promise to be a good girl until they release me. Happy now?"
"Yeah," he said. He knew she'd keep her promise. "How were you going to get home? You don't even have shoes."
"I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I told you I hadn't planned it."
Schanke escorted her back to her room. "I would get you some slippers but..."
"You're afraid I'd bolt." She saw him nod. "I promised I'd stay here, at least for the next two and a half days."
Natalie entered her room as dinner arrived. She looked it over pleased to see it looked edible, but only tasting would tell her for sure.
"Would you stay a little while?"
"Sure," Schanke said. He hated hospitals and knew she liked them even less than he did. Besides he wanted to make sure she didn't bolt.
Natalie had some trouble settling back into bed.
"Need some help?"
"Yeah," Natalie said, a little reluctantly.
Schanke helped her get comfortable before pulling over the chair.
"Why didn't you get help the first time?"
"It was an accident."
"I would've believed that if you'd had a scar on only one wrist. Natalie, we all care about you," Schanke said. He wasn't good at this kind of conversations and hoped it all came out right. "They give you vacation time for a reason."
"I know. Something always seems to come up at the last minute."
"Or is it someone?"
"We're just friends."
"What I saw on his face when Grace called was NOT just friendship. It is the way I'd react if I heard Myra or Jenny were being taken to the hospital. I have never seen anyone go that pale before, especially without passing out. He broke every known speed law and came close to breaking a few physics ones too. I was afraid we'd have an accident before we got here."
She saw the concerned look on his face and knew there was nothing she could say.
"Natalie, you need to talk to someone. And not just while you're here. You need to get into rehab or you'll destroy your life, not to mention ruining your career and your reputation. You've worked too hard for too long to let that happen."
"I know. I don't want it to happen. I'll do what I have to, to try and prevent it." Natalie remembered meeting Schanke when she had just started at the Coroner's Office and chuckled. She saw his expression and let him in on the joke. "I was just thinking back to our first meeting. I thought you were a bit of a jerk, but you did care about the victims."
"I hope I don't still come off that way."
"No. You've mellowed a bit since then. And usually when you do act like one it's because you truly care about those involved in the case and don't like being jerked around or lied to."
"When I first met you I saw this very attractive young woman. I couldn't believe anyone so young could be qualified for the job. But I remember how much I hated being judged on appearances so I gave you a fair chance to prove yourself, which you very quickly did. You showed you had not only a lot of intelligence and more importantly an ability to really question what you see, not just go for the easy answers. You quickly gained everyone's respect. And you treated your coworkers with respect, even the security people and the janitor. You respected the police and in turn earned our respect. Your big, caring heart has made you very important to all of us. Please talk to us, or a professional before you reach this point again. Promise me you will."
Natalie could see how much he wanted her promise. "I promise I'll talk to someone. Okay?"
"Thank you." He wanted to get back to more cheerful topics. "I suppose you'll be going back to work as soon as you get the stitches out?"
"Of course. I enjoy what I do."
"I still don't see how anyone can enjoy cutting up people."
"It's the crime solving that I enjoy. The solving the puzzle, not the actual slicing and dicing."
"That's good to hear. By the way, how many stitches?"
"Five in each wrist." She saw the curiosity in his eyes, "the same number as the last time."
The nurse entered. "Visiting hours are over, sir." She approached and checked her patient's vitals and checked the bandages. Since all looked well, she didn't have to change the dressings until morning.
"Natalie, I'll see you tomorrow, probably."
"I'll be here," Nat said with a devilish grin.
Schanke had been about to scold her when he noticed her grin and just chuckled. He knew she'd be fine as she still had her sense of humor, as warped and dark as it could be at times.
Nick was at the loft, seated on the couch. The note and a pair of vinyl gloves lay on the table. Nick slipped into the gloves and pulled the suicide note out of the evidence bag. He checked it for fingerprints and found none. The handwriting was very close to Natalie's but was not hers. His heightened senses failed to tell him anything new which didn't surprise him and at the same time frustrated him. He was reminding himself that he was a vampire with 800 years of experience and couldn't figure out who was trying to hurt his best friend, or why. His vague hunches weren't enough.
His door buzzer sounded, startling him out of his thoughts. He stood and approached the control panel.
"Who's there?"
"Grace and Schanke," Grace said.
"Come on up." Nick released the elevator. He quickly walked back over to the couch where he carefully put the letter back into the evidence bag and slipped it under the couch cushion as he didn't have time to hide it any where else. He rushed over to the door so he'd be there when the lift stopped.
A moment later the elevator stopped. Nick pulled open the door and motioned for his friends to enter.
"Nick, why wasn't there a report for her first attempt?" Grace asked.
"She used a fake name, and a fake reason for the wounds, right?" Schanke said.
"Yes," Nick lied. "She said she'd fallen and hit a glass table. It broke and cut her."
"Why didn't you get her help? If you had, maybe this wouldn't have happened," Grace asked.
"We had a long talk and she seemed fine."
"And if she'd gone to see someone, there would be a record of it, and it might get back to work," Schanke said.
Nick nodded.
"She needs help with the drug problem. It won't go away on its own."
"I would've known if she had a drug problem. I found no drugs at her place." Nick knew he could not tell them that someone was out to get Natalie for various reasons, no proof, it would endanger them, and they would not believe him. They would think Natalie was paranoid as well as a drug addict and suicidal.
"Nick, you know she could have them anywhere. She's a doctor and has access to a lot of stuff," Schanke said. He hated to be so cynical, but he had to help one of his friends see the light before it was too late.
"Grace, did you ever see any signs of addiction?"
"I don't know. I did have this small voice in the back of my mind that was beginning to wonder..." Grace said not quite able to admit she thought Nat might have had a problem.
"Same here," Schanke said. "Sorry, partner."
"You know she's going to want to rush right back to work. I think she should take some time off, maybe go somewhere."
"I know, Grace, I know. She's an adult and we can't force her to do anything," Nick said.
"Sometimes that stubbornness of hers is not a good thing," Schanke said.
"I know. Do you think Teri will let her return that quickly?" Nick asked.
"It depends on what the shrink says."
"We really need to find some way to convince her to take some time off. For her own good. She needs to relax. And a little time off to relax wouldn't hurt you either partner. You take even less time off than she does," Schanke said.
"I'm fine. You know we won't be able to convince her if she doesn't want to."
"I know," Schanke said with a sigh.
"If Nat was an addict, wouldn't she be going through withdrawals?" Nick asked. "Have either of you two noticed any signs of that?"
Both Schanke and Grace shook their heads. "But that doesn't mean she isn't one."
Back at the hospital, Natalie was asleep. The nurses peeked in on her every so often, to make sure she had not done any further damage to herself. They didn't expect any trouble but were covering themselves just in case the unexpected happened.
Nick saw the newspaper headline as he had his morning blood and was NOT happy. The headline read 'Drug Addicted Chief Coroner Slits Wrists'. The story talks about how Grace found Natalie in her bathroom near death. How everyone was shocked by the drug addiction, suicide attempt, especially when it was her second attempt in five weeks. He knew Natalie was going to hit the ceiling when she saw the headline and story. And he knew how much damage it would do to her reputation, and it could end her career. He vowed that whoever did this to her was going to pay, one way or another.
Schanke's reading the paper over breakfast and is NOT happy as well. He knew the damage it would do and how badly Natalie would react to it. Myra saw his anger building.
"What's wrong?"
"This stupid article. Why can't they just leave her alone?"
Grace had a similar reaction to the others.
At the hospital Natalie was taking a walk and saw the headlines. She was careful to control her reaction as not to arouse any of the nurse's concern. Inside, she was fuming. She couldn't believe the headline, and knew how damaging it would be.
Nick dropped by the hospital on his way to work and saw the tenseness in Natalie's body and the fury in her eyes.
"I take it you saw the paper."
"What good will it be if I have no career to go back to?" She angrily ranted.
"They'll be legally forced to print a retraction."
"Which they'll bury on some back page in little type," she ranted.
"Not if I have any say in it."
"Nick, you can't whammy the world."
"I don't need to, just a few of the right people."
He also noticed the scrubs she wore and had heard about her swiping them from the doctor's lounge.
The next morning Natalie was awoken by her breakfast being delivered. She ate it as she was quite hungry, and it wasn't bad for hospital food.
A short time later, the counselor entered. She noticed Natalie was still in the scrubs. No one had bothered to try and get her back into a gown as these were just about as good, and they seemed to make her feel more comfortable, which was necessary for the physical and emotional healing she had to do.
"Good morning. How are you?"
"Good morning. I feel pretty good."
"I thought we might try a group session this morning."
"I really don't need it. I'm fine," Natalie said. She saw the therapists expression and reluctantly said, "Okay, I'll go."
"How did you sleep last night?"
"Pretty good. When is the session?"
"In about fifteen minutes. There is one thing I'd like you to do before then," the therapist said as she handed Natalie a plastic cup.
"How am I supposed to get drugs in here?" Natalie asked as she took the cup.
"You are a doctor. It is possible. And someone will need to observe. Would you prefer a nurse?"
Natalie nodded. She wasn't sure why, but somehow a nurse observing her didn't seem as obtrusive as a shrink doing it.
The shrink left and sent two nurses in. They watched as Natalie filled the cup, then one took it from her and let her finish in private.
Natalie wondered how often she'd be required to undergo a drug test and figured it would probably become a weekly part of her life, and hoped she passed them because she would not be able to explain any positive tests. At least not in a way someone other than Nick would believe.
The counselor reentered and they headed down to the group therapy session.
Natalie entered the room first, and saw six other people there, some in robes and some in regular clothes. The therapist entered right behind Natalie. The group checked out the new arrival, wondering if she was in scrubs because she was a doctor, and if so what kind, where she practiced and why she'd tried to kill herself.
"Group, we have a new addition today."
"Hi." The group said some one at a time and some on top of each other's greeting.
"Hi." Natalie found herself a vacant chair.
"Why don't we all introduce ourselves, and those who feel like it can tell why they're here," the therapist said.
"I'm Brian and I attempted to take my life." He showed off the bandages on his wrists, startling Natalie a little.
"I'm Lee. I took a bunch of pills."
Natalie heard similar tales from Jane, Rick, Emily, and Anna.
It was her turn to talk. "I'm Natalie." She knew she couldn't tell them the truth, that someone was out to get her or they'd think she was delusional, paranoid and would keep her.
"How many in this room have a drug problem?" Amanda asked.
Half the room raised a hand.
"Natalie, what brings you here?" Emily asked.
"I don't know. I fell asleep on my couch and woke up in my hospital room with both wrists sutured. They found Phenobarbital in my blood but I don't take drugs."
"We all went through the denial phase. The sooner you admit your problems the sooner you can get help," Anna said.
"And the sooner you get help, the sooner you'll recover," Rick said. "It took me weeks to admit I had a drug problem."
"I'm not an addict," Natalie sternly said. "I don't have a drug problem."
The rest of the group knew they wouldn't get through to her until she was ready to listen. They had all been there before.
Amanda didn't push Natalie to talk, noticing that she did better one on one than in a group. She wondered if Natalie would open up more in time.
Natalie listened to the stories of her group mates, surprised to find them all similar, and eerily close to her own life in some ways.
Later that afternoon Grace stopped by to see Natalie.
"Hi, Grace."
"Hi, Natalie. You're looking better."
"I feel better. I can't wait to get out of here."
"That would be the perfect time for a vacation. Somewhere warm and sunny, with cute guys to serve your every desire."
"That does sound nice, but I get that without leaving home."
"Lucky you."
Natalie knew what Grace was trying to do. She couldn't take a vacation, at least not until she knew why someone was trying to destroy her life. She knew they might very well follow her and kill her. Nick or her other friends wouldn't be around to help.
"You lied to me," Grace said.
"I'm sorry. It was an accident. I didn't want you jumping to the conclusion you did, that I tried to kill myself."
"Are you an addict? Did you try to kill yourself?"
"No. I know you won't believe me. I'm not sure I'd believe myself if I was anyone else."
"I don't know what to believe. The evidence is very compelling. But I know how you feel about suicide. I also know people change. You've been acting different for the last few months." Grace realized she'd been a little harsher than she'd meant to and softened her tone. "I'm your friend and I hope you know that. I care about you and don't like seeing you hurting."
"I know. I'm glad you're still my friend."
"I'll be your friend until the very end, and I hope that's when we're both old and gray."
"So do I."
That evening, Amanda stopped by the Coroner's Office to talk with Grace, as she was Natalie's best friend.
Grace met Amanda at the entrance and they went for a cup of coffee. They talked as they walked.
"How is Natalie doing?" Grace asked concerned.
"She's doing good. She should be released in a couple days. How are you doing?"
"I'm doing okay. I'm worried about her. She rarely takes any time off. She pushes herself too hard."
"She does seem driven, but not totally addicted to her work. Believe me, I've seen far worse cases of workaholism. Where they can't leave for even one day. I don't sense that in her. I think for her it's more that if she doesn't do it now she'll have twice as much to do when she comes back."
"Makes sense. A lot of our work is time sensitive.
Natalie knew her three days were up and should be released any time now. Her therapist entered.
"When do I get sprung from here?" Natalie asked.
"I want to hold you a couple more days."
"Why?" Natalie asked stunned.
"There are a few reasons. I think you know what most of them are."
"Yeah, I think I do," Natalie said. "When's the next session?"
"About half an hour."
"I'll be there."
Half an hour later Natalie was in the group therapy room along with the rest of the group. She was still wearing the scrubs instead of the standard hospital gown.
"Who wants to go first?"
"I will," Natalie said. She knew what Amanda wanted from her, and was going to give it to her even if it was a complete lie.
"Very good, Natalie."
"I'm Natalie and I'm here because I tried to kill myself. I also have a drug problem." Natalie showed the bandages on her wrists.
"Very good, Natalie. I'm proud of you. Do you know why these things happened?"
"Yes. I'm overworked, overstressed, overtired, had a big fight with Nick a few weeks ago. We did make up after the fight. I haven't had a two or three day weekend in longer than I can remember. My knee acts up at all the wrong times and is getting worse with each year. I know I should have it fixed, but I can't take the time off. I probably have enough vacation and sick leave to take off most of this year but can't use it because I'm too busy working." Natalie knew it was accurate but not to the extreme degree she was indicating here. She was going to say whatever Amanda wanted to hear so she could get the hell out of the hospital. She wanted to be home where she could be trying to find out who was doing this to her and why.
"And do you know any ways to make life more enjoyable?"
"I know plenty of ways. But how can I do any of them when one emergency or another keeps me at work, or calls me in? We're understaffed and under funded. I had to let a lab tech and an orderly go last month, which just makes more work for all of us. I'm basically it on the night shift. There are three coroners during the day shift."
"What if you went out of town or let everyone know that during these two or three days off you would be unreachable except for a massive disaster. If you did this once a month it would help greatly," Amanda said.
"I like the sound of that," Natalie said cheerfully. "I'll give it a try, if I ever get out of here."
"If you keep on like you have been, you'll be out of here in a couple days," Amanda said.
Natalie kept telling them what they wanted to hear, and submitting to a drug test when asked to. She was doing everything she could to get herself released. All the tests came out negative, which only helped her case. She hated being in the hospital. The only good thing about it was she didn't have to do much for herself, which made allowing her wounds to heal much easier.