The poem "Portrait" by Katie St. James (katystj@usa.net) can not be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the author.

Devastation
by Judith Freudenthal

Natalie arrived home after a long, tiring shift. A giant knot formed in her stomach upon seeing the blinking light on her answering machine. Her heart leapt into her throat, just as it had these past several days each time she saw the machine flashing.

What if it is bad news? Flashed through her brain. She took a deep breath, pushing out the many horrible thoughts that filled her mind. She wasn't sure she was ready to listen to the message, and pressed the play button hesitantly.

"Natalie, this is Dr. Banks. Call me as soon as you get in."

She heard the concealed grimness in his voice and felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. Shakily, she dialed his office, fighting back her tears. She didn't want to call him, instinctively knowing it wasn't what she wanted to hear. She knew that if she didn't call, she would be too preoccupied to accomplish anything, even sleeping.

His secretary answered and put her through to him.

"Dr. Banks."

"Hi. This is Natalie Lambert." She bit her lip and pushed back the tears that fought for release. Natalie didn't want to say the words, but she had to know. "The results came back positive, didn't they?"

"How did you know? Are you feeling okay?" He asked, concerned.

"I feel fine. Somehow I just knew."

"Can you come in tomorrow to be retested?"

"What time?"

"I'll be in the office until about seven pm."

"I'll try to be there before then." She paused a moment before continuing. "I don't want anyone here in Toronto to know."

"I understand. I'll keep the record separate."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

They hung up. Natalie could no longer keep the tears from freely flowing down her cheeks. She knew the retest would show the same result, no matter how much she hoped it wouldn't. After a few minutes, she wiped away the tears and headed for her computer.

She tried to access Collins' records but could not. They had been sealed. She knew it could only mean one thing. He had tested positive as well. She needed to know how far along he was, so she could know what to expect.

"Damn you!!" She muttered, furiously. He had attacked her yet again. The next words out of her mouth would've shocked a sailor.

She knew she had to talk to someone and headed for Nick's.

Nick was awakened when he heard the elevator door open and the familiar beat of her heart. He threw on his robe and walked down the stairs.

She was sitting on his couch staring at nothing in particular, the dried tear tracks still visible. The grief in her eyes was as evident as the anger.

"You received the test results, didn't you?" He knew she had, but gave her the opening to talk about her feelings.

"Yes. I'm going to be retested before I go in to work tomorrow. The test I was given is called ELISA. You don't want to know the full clinical name. It has been known to give false positives. The other test will be more sensitive. The Western Blot test does not give false positives. If I test positive there, I am infected with HIV." She tried to remain detached from what she was saying, knowing it was the only way she would be able to get the information out without breaking down.

"What will happen then?" He asked, seeing her doubt. He also, somehow, felt the retest would come back positive, despite how fervently he wished he would be wrong. Her facade of detachment did not escape his notice.

"I'll start taking AZT and another drug or two in the hopes of keeping the disease from progressing for as long as possible. Other than that, there isn't much that can be done until I start showing symptoms. When that happens, I'll just have to figure out the best way to handle each one. I'll do whatever I can to stay healthy," she said, the depression evident in her voice.

Nick approached, arms outstretched but she backed away. She noticed the confused, hurt look on his face.

"I'm dying from a disease that there is no cure for. How can you want to hold me? Or even touch me?" She asked, frustrated, angry, scared, and confused, yet needing his arms around her. Logically, she knew that neither HIV nor AIDS could be transmitted by hugging someone who was infected, not even a vampire. But at the present moment, Natalie couldn't think calmly or logically.

"Because I love you. Because you need it." He sensed she was feeling tainted because of the disease and wanted to show her that it did not matter to him.

Nick again approached, noticing that she didn't pull away, and took her in his arms. No sooner had she responded by wrapping her arms around him than she burst into tears. He held her and let her cry on his shoulder as he gently rubbed her back. A single blood tear traced its way down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away, not wanting her to see it. He had to be there for her. She would need him now even more than she had during much of the last six months. Her tears escalated to sobs which wracked her entire body. He continued to gently rub her back, soothing her, feeling her relax as the sobs slowly eased.

After a long while, she pulled back and dried her eyes with her sleeve.

"Oh, my God!" She panicked. "Nick, we made love." She hadn't even thought of the possible danger to him, until just then.

"It's okay. No disease has ever hurt me." He reassured her. When he saw the lingering doubts and fear he continued. "Not the plague or anything I've come across in 800 years."

"I'm glad. It would kill me to know that this damn disease has harmed someone I...I..." Natalie's voice stumbled as Nick held her tighter, her sobs buried into the folds of his robe. She was tremendously relieved that her need hadn't infected him as well.

"I know."

"I hope I didn't wake you. I didn't want to be alone."

"I had just gone to bed. It's no problem."

"Whatever happens Schanke must never know. It would break his heart. Myra's too. I know you told him about my panic attacks. It was okay. He needed to know. Promise me you'll never tell him this. No matter how insistent he gets. I couldn't handle it if they turned on me because of this." She knew that was the real reason she did not want the Schankes to learn of her disease.

"I promise." He wondered how his partner would take such news. Probably not too well. Would he see her as a threat to his family? Would he avoid her? Would he be too uncomfortable around her? Would Myra have the same reactions? Concerned, Nick asked, "do you want to stay here today?

"Yes. Would you stay with me until I fall asleep?" She asked, wanting to feel his strong arms comforting her. The last time she had needed his strength and comfort so strongly was immediately after the rape.

"Why don't we go upstairs? You'll be much more comfortable there."

"I can't kick you out of your bed. I'll be fine here."

"I insist."

She reluctantly gave in, hearing the firm gentleness in his tone.

They climbed the stairs, his arm draped across her shoulder. Just outside his door she turned towards him, giving him a chance to back out. He gently nudged her towards the door. She took the hint and entered with him right behind her.

He handed her a spare pair of his black silk pajamas and left so she could change. As she slipped into the pajamas, Natalie caught her reflection in the mirror. She remembered just a few months ago thinking that she needed to shed a few pounds and gave an ironic grin as her thoughts turned to her future. Images of herself extremely thin, her skin blotched from the disease and medications bombarded her brain. She forced them out of her mind.

Nick knocked on the door and entered at her invitation. He turned down the bed for her. She crawled under the covers, lying on her side. He sat next to her and gently rubbed her back until his hearing informed him that she was sound asleep. He continued to soothe her for a time then lay down next to her. Her rhythmic breathing lulled him to sleep.

The next night Natalie went in for the retest before work, causing her to be a half hour late for her shift. Get a hold of yourself. You'll be a basket case before long if you don't. She felt that everything would be okay as long as no one found out. She wondered what it would feel like if her coworkers found out, and she was no longer safe or welcome there. She didn't even want to think about the possibilities if the truth did come out.

She felt people watching her, but knew it was only her imagination. She felt a little like someone who didn't quite belong, but knew that she did still belong as much as anyone else did.

She pushed her uneasiness aside and prepared herself for her first autopsy. She wore two pairs of latex gloves as part of her commitment to be extra careful with all lab work or autopsies. She knew all it would take was one victim falsely showing up as HIV positive for tests to be run on the staff. She knew she might come in contact with something that would speed along the progression of her disease, if she didn't take extra precautions. After all, dead bodies were carriers for all sorts of bacteria, viruses and sometimes poisons.

She put all her spare work time into Nick's cure. It helped keep her mind off the waiting, something at which she had never been particularly good.

Nick was almost as worried as she was and helped keep both their minds occupied by letting her choose the movies they watched during the next week, when they were not being forced to work overtime. For once neither minded the extra hours.

Natalie gratefully accepted Nick's offer to stay at his loft under the condition that she would sleep on the couch. She did not want to be alone. She was unsettled all week, knowing deep down inside that the results would again be positive. She tried to be optimistic, and found it to be very hard, if not impossible.

Nick understood perfectly, not wanting to be alone either. He reluctantly agreed to her one condition, knowing that he would not be able to persuade her otherwise.

Natalie entered her apartment just over a week later, after her shift had ended. She found her message machine blinking its red light at her. Fear gripped her as she reluctantly hit the play button, knowing this was it. Her life would be forever altered by the message awaiting her. A knot once again formed in her stomach.

"Natalie, this is Dr. Banks. I need to see you as soon as possible." Her stomach started to flip flop.

She looked at her watch, saw that it was after eight am. A part of her did not want to make the call and looked for any excuse to postpone it, but the other part knew that she had to if she wanted to be able to do anything. She also knew that the longer she put it off the harder it would be. She picked up the phone, her hand trembling slightly and dialed his office.

"Dr. Banks, please," she said, hoping his secretary did not detect the slight shakiness of her voice. Natalie's call was quickly transferred.

"Dr. Banks here."

"This is Natalie Lambert. I just got your message." She had to work to get the next part out. "I have it... don't I?"

"Yes. Can you come by? I have the next hour free," he said, sympathetically.

"I'll be right over." She knew that she would not be able to get any sleep anyway. The trembling in her hand increased as the shock set in.

Tears threatened to burst out as she hung up the phone. She pushed her tears back, promising herself to let it all out when she got home. She left her apartment in a bit of a daze. She walked to her car on autopilot, and was a little startled to suddenly find herself in the garage, right next to her car.

Natalie entered Dr. Thomas Banks office suite and was shown to his private office. He saw her and motioned for her to have a seat as he shut the door behind her.

Dr. Bank's fiery red hair passed Natalie's blurred vision as she sat. Looking up, she saw the concern in his green eyes and wondered how many times he had to look through them while delivering the bad news to other patients.

It also occurred to Natalie at this moment that Dr. Banks appeared older than his age of thirty-nine. Pronounced wrinkles around his eyes and forehead told the story of worry and dead patients. His tall, athletic body awkwardly slouched in his chair as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He offered her a cup of coffee which she gratefully accepted. He let her sip it and gather herself together before he started.

"What do you know about the disease?" Dr. Banks asked, respecting his patient's medical knowledge. He would try and make this session go as easily as he could, knowing that this diagnosis often overwhelmed the calmest, coolest and most educated people.

"I do have some knowledge of it. I had a friend die from it. How soon will I get sick?" She asked with a clinical detachment, knowing it was the only way she could get through it without losing her composure. Her eyes betraying the emotional turmoil within.

"As of your most recent examination you were perfectly healthy. Your CD4 level is 800, which is normal for a healthy immune system. For now, your immune system seems to be the only affected part. You are now in what is called the antibody positive asymptomatic phase. You can stay like this for months or years. The average time before the symptoms start is eight years. I've read about patients who are going on twenty years in this phase," he said, giving her a few moments for it to sink in.

"I understand. What about my T-Cells?" Natalie knew that they played an important part in the immune system.

"Your T-Cell count will start to drop at some point. The exact time when it will can't really be pinpointed. Once your CD4 level does drop, we will work together to manage it the best we can. Our goal for now is to keep you healthy, which should keep you asymptomatic for as long as possible. The healthier you stay, the better."

"Okay." She sipped more coffee.

Dr. Banks noticed that she seemed to be handling it well, at least on the surface.

"How will I know when it's changed?" She asked with her same clinical detachment.

"Your CD4 level will most likely have dropped to somewhere between 500 - 600. Around that time you might start having intermittent fevers without any other symptoms, begin losing weight for no reason, feel fatigued from non-work causes, or get Montezuma's revenge which does not go away." He paused a moment before continuing with the list of possible symptoms. "If you wake up soaking wet for no reason, have frequent, unexplained headaches, lack of appetite, trouble swallowing, any new skin conditions, confusion or trouble remembering, change in vision, sores or white patches in your mouth, chronic yeast infection, or any problem with your reproductive system. If there's a cough, shortness of breath, tightness or pressure in the chest. If you experience any of these I need to know right away."

"How do I stay healthy?" Natalie asked, trying to keep some of her professional detachment intact. Hearing all those possible symptoms nearly overwhelmed her. She had to struggle to keep control over her emotions. She didn't want to break down and cry, not here, not now.

"You need to eat properly, take a good multi-vitamin, make sure you get plenty of rest and exercise. A positive mental attitude is also very important."

"What about medication?" She appreciated the way he was treating her as a colleague, not talking down to her. She couldn't have stood the condescension she'd received from that hotshot doctor after her rape.

"I want to start you on the standard treatment. You'll be taking several drugs, AZT, ddI and ZDU. Do you have a preferred pharmacy?"

"Yes, one outside of the area I live and work in. I don't want anyone outside of Nick to know."

"No problem. I'll call it in now and it should be ready by the time we're finished."

He called in the prescriptions to a pharmacy about half an hour from where Natalie lived and worked.

"I think I'll start you on the medication now. When was the last time you ate?"

"About four or five hours ago. Why?"

"The ddI requires that don't eat sooner than two hours on either side of taking it. It has to be taken on an empty stomach."

"Okay."

He gave her almost a dozen pills to take along with a glass of water. Six of the pills were the AZT. She swallowed them, washing them down with the water.

"The info sheets with the prescriptions should answer most of your questions. If not, let me know. I will also need to know if you have any adverse reactions to any of the medications."

"I'll let you know."

"The AZT has some toxic side effects, one of them being that it suppresses bone marrow. It helps keep the virus from multiplying as fast. It should keep you asymptomatic for as long as possible."

She knew that bone marrow was where blood cells were produced, and if she suppressed that production, then her immune system would be further compromised.

He told her about the other drugs he wanted her to take, ZDU and ddI.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Not at the moment." Her mind was spinning in a thousand different directions. The information she'd received still had not fully sunk in.

"Feel free to call me whenever you have questions."

"I will," Natalie said, a bit dazed.

He kept her about twenty minutes longer. Once he determined there was no adverse reaction to the drug he allowed her to leave.

Natalie left Dr. Banks office, picked up her prescription and was unsure whether to go home or to Nick's. Her need for a sympathetic, non-judgmental listener caused her to head for Nick's loft.

Nick was about to head up to bed when she entered. From her expression and the prescription bags in her hand he knew the results. He felt that phantom stake slice its way through his heart yet again, but kept his reaction from his face.

"Nick..." she said, trying to be strong. Tears welled in her eyes as she dropped her purse and prescription bags onto the kitchen table. She draped her jacket over the chair.

Nick walked over to her, put his arm around her shoulders and escorted her to the couch. He noticed that the diagnosis was overwhelming her. He saw little of the calm, cool, confident Natalie he knew. Instead he saw a frightened, angry, stunned and desperately sad friend. She wrapped her arms around him and let the tears flow. Nick held her and let her cry, gently rubbing her back, knowing how much it helped. He was grateful she couldn't see the bloody tears which made their way down his cheeks. He wiped them away before she could see them. He held her as the sobs racked her body yet again. It seemed like forever before she had no more tears left to cry.

"I'm sorry," she said, congestion marring her voice.

"It's okay. I would've been worried if you had shown no reaction."

"There is some good news. Even though I am infected I'm not showing any symptoms. I am in good health and intend to stay that way. My immune system is still as strong as an uninfected persons. Dr. Banks told me that there are people who are going on twenty years without showing any symptoms. He told me what to watch for," she said. She hated to see the sadness in his eyes grow as she listed off the symptoms. She knew he needed to know everything if he was to be her support system. She was everlastingly grateful that he was there for her as she didn't think she could do it on her own.

"Promise me that you'll let me know as soon as your condition changes." He was relieved that she would have a few years before the symptoms started.

"I promise," she said, before she told him what else Dr. Banks had told her.

She looked into his eyes. "I want you to promise me, you won't treat me any differently."

"I promise," He said, looking into her eyes, hating the sadness he saw there.

"If you start treating me differently, others will wonder what's wrong. I don't want anyone else to know."

"I understand. It's the least I can do, you've never treated me differently."

"I guess we both have our secrets now."

He sadly nodded.

"Can I use your computer? There's something I need to check."

"Sure." Nick answered, confused. Knowing she wasn't thinking rationally he decided against questioning her motives. Nick walked over to the laptop, booted it up and entered his password before moving out of the way.

Natalie took a seat in front of it and accessed the medical program she had on her own computer. She was determined to access Sam Collins' records to prove that she had, indeed, been infected by him. Her hands shaking slightly as they hit key after key.

She quickly grew frustrated as trick after trick failed to gain her access. Nick was surprised at her computer prowess then realized that he had never seen her on any computer outside of work or the medical program on her computer at home. She was on her last trick when she saw 'access granted' flash across the screen. A small grin of satisfaction spread across her face before she became serious again.

She typed in Samuel Collins' name and waited for the information to be displayed. Her fears were confirmed. He had also recently been diagnosed as HIV positive and was asymptomatic as well. The next words out of her mouth shocked Nick. He had not thought she knew such language. She slammed her hand into the table so hard it made Nick jump.

"You bastard!!!!" Natalie shouted at the screen, having calmed down somewhat and exhausted her vocabulary of more colorful words. "Nick, he did it to me again!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't it be ironic for me to find your cure, and you to outlive me as a mortal!?"

"I don't even want to think about that now. Let's not think about the future. We'll worry about it when we must." He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, that's easy for you to say. You have eternity!" She shrugged off his hand. Her jealousy over his immortality came through clearly, along with some bitterness. "You don't have to look forward to the pain or the endless medications just to be able to function. Me not worry about the future? What future?" She paused, her anger and frustration quite evident. "Nick, I have nothing! Nothing but the damn disease and death."

"Nat, you have a few years before all of that will start."

"Can you guarantee that?" She saw his silence. "I thought so." She took a deep breath to help her calm down.

"Okay, so you'll get very sick. You can either do nothing and wait for it to happen or you can make the best of the time you have. If it were me..."

"If it were you, you'd be in worse shape than I am. You'd blame yourself and feel that you were getting what you deserved." She angrily cut him off.

He was shocked, but knew she was right. He hated that fact. "You're right. I'm sorry," he said humbly.

He purposely gave her his biggest, best innocent childlike pout. The one she could never stay mad at. She knew it but could not resist him.

"I don't intend to give up without one hell of a fight."

"Don't I know it." He grinned. He was glad to see that her fighting spirit had returned. He knew she'd need every ounce of it to fight this horrendous disease.

He couldn't deny that she was infected. He did not want to lose her. He knew he could not bring her across or even offer that option to her. It would be unfair to offer something he could not go through with. But, then Nick began to think about the suffering Natalie would have to endure when the disease progressed. How could he place one hell above the other? For the moment, he tabled the fears, knowing that this was not the time to voice them. He felt a surge of anger, not at Natalie, but at Collins for giving her this terrible disease.

"Nick, we can't be afraid to talk to each other about our feelings." Natalie seemed to read his mind. "Especially since we're not telling anyone about my being HIV positive. It will add a lot of strain to our relationship. Can you handle it?"

"Yes. I know it won't be easy. I will be there for you. Can you handle it?"

"Yes." Natalie had a momentary doubt. "We are making the right decision, aren't we?"

"I think we are. But it is really your decision."

"I think we are too. At least I hope we are."

"Nat, if things get too tough, there are people out there to talk to."

"I know. I don't want to talk to strangers unless I have to."

"Okay." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She enjoyed being close to him, knowing that whatever happened she could not pass the disease on to him. He could see the tremendous relief in her eyes that his vampiric nature gave him immunity. He also noticed the tiny part of her that wondered if their research did make him the least bit susceptible to the disease. He wondered too, but didn't let it bother him as he had more important things to think about, namely Natalie.

She noticed he didn't offer to bring her across, which somehow didn't surprise her. She knew how he felt about his vampirism. She realized that she wasn't sure if she would've taken him up on it if he had offered. After a moment of consideration, she realized that she didn't want to be brought across as long as she was healthy. As for what happened once her health started to decline, she didn't know, but didn't bother to worry about it. She would deal with it when the time came.

Natalie walked back to the table and removed the info sheets from the prescription bags. She took them over to the couch to read.

"What's that?"

"The information on the drugs I've started taking."

After she finished reading one of the sheets she passed it over to Nick so he could read it.

He read the information, wanting to know about every phase of her illness. He intended to be there for her as he had been throughout her recovery from the rape and trial. The pages he held in his hands made the fact that she was truly infected sink in. He did not want to lose her.

During her shift that evening, Natalie went over her mental checklist of all the things she had to do, the changes she had to make to her life to give herself the best shot at healthy, long term survival. She knew she would need rest, the proper diet and exercise. Medications and vitamins would be vital to combat the effects of the disease. Also, she was determined to keep up on the latest research to ensure that she would have the most effective treatments possible. I need to keep a positive attitude and not give up without one hell of a fight.

She looked in her PDR for all the available information on the drugs she was taking. Grace entered the room just as Natalie returned the book to its place on the shelf.

"How about some lunch?" Grace asked.

"What did you have in mind?" Natalie asked, a bit uneasily. She did a quick mental check of when her last dose had been and when her next dose was due, realizing she had plenty of time for lunch.

"I thought we'd try the new cafe a couple of blocks over."

"I don't know. I have a few files I want to finish."

Grace noticed that something seemed to be bothering her friend, but didn't inquire, knowing that Natalie would tell her only when she was ready to.

"It's a slow night. The files will still be there when we get back. You need to eat."

"Okay." Natalie knew that if she didn't go, Grace might suspect something. She didn't want to risk losing her best friend (mortal one, anyway) by having Grace question her and possibly figure it out.

Natalie and Grace were shown to a table and handed menus. Natalie knew that HIV/AIDS could not be contracted from going to a restaurant, yet the eyes of everyone in the place seemed to burn into her skin as if they knew her secret.

"What are you going to have?" Grace asked. She noticed Natalie seemed a little too quiet, like something was wrong.

"I don't know. I've been thinking of trying to eat healthier. Our hours don't always lead to the proper diet."

"This is true." Grace said. "Is everything okay?" Grace's concern came through in her voice.

"Yes. Why?" Natalie forced herself to relax.

"You're too quiet."

"Sorry. Nick and I had a fight earlier," She said, hoping Grace would believe it, as it was the truth. "Yes, we made up."

"I'm glad. It's over, so forget it. Okay?"

"Okay." Natalie wished all of it could be forgotten so easily, but knew the HIV diagnosis would always be there.

Later in her shift she was checking through her recent journals for the latest HIV/AIDS research information. She found a few articles on the new drugs that were just now entering first trials. Drugs that would hopefully improve the quality of life for those with AIDS, as well as prolonging life. Maybe they'll be approved by the time I need them. She found an article on the latest findings on the virus itself.

After her shift was over, she went to Nick's loft. He had promised to cook her dinner. She couldn't wait to see this! He could barely boil water.

She arrived at his loft before he did, quickly growing worried because sunrise was only a few minutes away.

She settled herself onto the couch and heard the door open. The sight of a vampire carrying in bags of groceries made her smile.

"Can I help?"

"No. I've got it."

She moved closer to watch him try and figure out what went into the fridge and what didn't. He did pretty well.

"What's for dinner?" She asked, curiously.

"I thought I'd start with a stir fry. It seems simple enough."

Nick started preparations for dinner. He washed then cut up the vegetables before moving onto the meat.

She remembered how he had fixed simple meals for her during that first week after the rape, when she didn't eat take out.

"Can I help?"

"No. I want to do this for you. Call it my part in helping you fight it."

"Okay. Besides, it's nice not to have to cook for myself every day."

"This won't interfere with your medication schedule, will it?"

"No. It's fine."

He set the table, quite elegantly, making sure that everything was in the proper place. She noticed, and was impressed..

"Will you join me?" She asked, trying not to be too pushy about it.

"I will try a little of everything, just for you," he said with a small grin.

"I now understand how you feel everyday. Trying to fit in, yet feeling like an outsider. Praying that no one discovers your secret."

"Did something happen?" He asked, concerned. He thought it was interesting, and maybe a little strange, how she compared their secrets. In a twisted sense, he liked it. It did give them one more thing in common, things they both wished they didn't share.

"Not really. Grace insisted that we go out for lunch. Since work was slow, I couldn't really refuse. While we were waiting to place our orders, it felt as if everyone was staring at me because they all knew. It was a most unsettling feeling." She shuddered as she remembered it.

"No one here, outside of the two of us knows. Relax, or you'll end up like me." His tone lightening as he spoke about himself, trying to cheer her up.

"We wouldn't want that would we?" She teased, going along with his attempt to make her feel better.

About half an hour later they were eating a healthy, colorful meal.

"This is terrific. I will have to let you cook more often. How did you learn to do this?" His culinary expertise had caught her completely by surprise.

He was pleased she enjoyed the product of his effort. He found the few bites he ate to be barely tolerable. "I've watched a few master chefs over the years. Although, I didn't spend much time watching Italian cooks."

"Because of their love of garlic?" She asked with a wicked grin.

"Yes." He matched her grin with one of his own. "I've been reading cookbooks and watching cooking shows. I didn't want my first real effort to poison you."

Natalie didn't know what to say. Instead she let her very large warm smile do her talking. She gently caressed the side of his face in a silent thank you, loving the smile it brought to his lips.

After dinner and a killer chocolate dessert they cuddled up together on the couch to watch a movie. Both of them savoring their time together, knowing that her disease could worsen at any time.

They had watched two movies before he noticed that she was yawning.

"What?" She asked, curiously.

"Nothing. I'm just surprised you're not asleep by now."

"I don't seem to be able to sleep. I was warned that I might have trouble sleeping. A mild side effect of the medication, which should stop in a week or two as my body gets used to it. In the meantime, I hope you don't mind watching a lot of movies."

"What if it doesn't stop?"

"Then they'll play with the dosage. Or something."

"I don't mind watching movies, as long as you're here." He knew he'd do anything he could to make things easier for her.

A few nights later, Grace noticed that Natalie was a bit tired during her shift.

"Natalie honey, is anything wrong?"

"No. I didn't get much sleep."

"Were you doing something..." Grace teased.

"Nothing like that. I couldn't get to sleep. I tried every known remedy without success."

"Everyone has nights where nothing seems to put them to sleep. This wasn't the first time either was it?"

"No. I've been having trouble sleeping for the last few nights. I'm sure it will pass. I even tried reading the latest journals with no luck."

"If you need to talk about anything, let me know."

"I will. Thanks. Don't worry. I'm sure in a day or two I'll be sleeping like a baby again." Or so I hope.

After their shifts finished, Natalie once again stopped by Nick's loft. It had become a routine both enjoyed. She disliked cooking and eating alone, and he found he enjoyed cooking, even if he couldn't eat it. The pleasure of seeing her smile at each new creation made it worth the effort. She knew it was his way of feeling as if he were helping, and he was.

She sat down on the couch and saw a small festively wrapped box on the coffee table.

"For me?"

"Yes. Open it."

He sat down next to her and watched as she opened the present. Inside the box she found a beautiful sterling silver pill box. Every exterior surface was covered with an exquisitely engraved design. She opened the lid and saw the inscription which read 'Nat, don't forget to take these, Love Nick'.

"It's gorgeous. It's nicer than the one I gave you. Where did you find it?" She was impressed that it said 'Love, Nick' and not his usual cop-out 'With Affection'.

"I was digging through some of my old boxes and found it. I had it cleaned and engraved just for you. I thought you might like to have something nice to carry your medication in."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek as another way of thanking him. "So, did you catch any more cooking shows?"

"Yes. I caught an Italian one this afternoon. She fixed a dish without any garlic in it."

"When do I get to taste it?"

"Maybe tomorrow night, if I can gather everything up, and not ruin it."

Natalie smiled, knowing he was still a little unsure of his culinary talents, but enjoyed the challenge.

"Did I ever tell you, I like having my own personal chef," she teased.

"Wait until you see what Chez Nick's house special is," he teased back with a lousy French accent, which made her giggle.

She headed for her purse and pulled a gift wrapped box from it.

"I thought you might like this," she said as she handed the present to him.

He ripped the wrapping paper off it like a child at Christmas. He grinned upon seeing that it was a cooking video.

"Thanks. This is great. Didn't they have a chocolate one?" He teased. He knew Chinese food was her other addiction.

"They were out of it," she said slightly blushing. "I thought you might like this one."

"I'd like anything you gave me." He loved watching the blush deepen.

Two weeks after Natalie had started on the medication she and Nick were watching videos again. Nick noticed that she had fallen asleep during the second movie as she usually did. He was pleased to see that she had been right, that once her body had adjusted, the insomnia had stopped.

He knew she might be a little annoyed with him as he scooped her up into his arms, careful not to wake her, and carried her upstairs to his bed. He gently laid her down and tucked her in.

He went back downstairs where he grabbed a blanket and pillow from the closet and soon was asleep on the couch.

That afternoon Natalie dressed trying to look both professional and stylish. She had agreed to talk about her job with a group of high school students. The teacher thought his students might enjoy hearing about different careers from people who actually worked in the fields, rather than from some career counselor or public relations person.

She made sure that her hair and makeup was just the way she wanted it before she left. She didn't wear much makeup to work, but did need a little since she didn't get out into the sun as much as she used to.

Although she decided that she looked fine, Natalie did not feel fine. Physically, she was okay, but something inside her made her queasy as if she were going to be put on display. Natalie, get a hold of yourself. This is nothing that you haven't done before. Just act normal.

Natalie double checked that she had all the information she needed in her briefcase before she headed out.

During the drive to the high school Natalie felt the butterflies in her stomach turn into elephants. Relax Lambert. No one knows. You can't hurt them by casual contact. She had given at least two dozen speeches in the last two years, but she hadn't been this nervous since the first one.

Before long Natalie entered the high school and checked in with the office. They directed her to the classroom.

Natalie entered the room along with the students, stopping to talk to the teacher as the teens found their seats.

Natalie's butterflies were still there, but had eased slightly. Talking about her job was one thing she did well. She focused on that fact and felt the butterflies ease even more.

Natalie looked at the full room of about sixty students and momentarily wondered if she should've held it in a bigger room. She hated to use a microphone as it limited what she could do during her lecture. She hated auditorium like rooms because then the lecture became too formal and that often intimidated the teens to the point where they were too uneasy to ask questions. She liked the more personal touch a classroom gave her.

"Class, I'd like to introduce today's speaker, Dr. Natalie Lambert. She's one of the Toronto Police Department's top forensic pathologists."

Natalie quickly set out her stacks of information for the class, as it helped her relax and focus.

"Hi. I thought I'd tell you a bit about my job as a medical examiner and then answer any questions you might have. I brought along some info I thought you might find interesting and will be passing it around later."

She paused for a sip of water from the Styrofoam cup that had been left on the table for her. Looking down at the water, she suddenly stopped, thinking that her germs would be on the cup. Her thoughts wandered to what the students would think if they knew that one of Toronto's finest was HIV positive.

Seeing a raised hand gave her an excuse to set the cup down untouched.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to show any gross slides?" One blonde haired girl asked.

"No, I'm not." Natalie watched as a mixture of expressions crossed the faces of her young audience, everything from relief to disappointment. That broke the ice and the butterflies disappeared.

That night Grace entered Natalie's office and saw her friend filling out the paperwork for one of their recent cases.

"You look better tonight."

"I feel much better. I slept like a baby last night."

"I'm glad. I was getting worried."

"I know. Thanks."

"By the way, how did your speech go?"

"It went great. The students were quite receptive. They were full of questions. I stayed an extra hour talking with them. The teacher said he might have me back again sometime soon," Natalie said with a smile. She loved sharing her knowledge with others, especially students.

Two months later was Natalie's thirty-fourth birthday. Nick knew how much she liked birthday parties and had decided to throw her a surprise party. He invited all her friends, both from work and outside it. Grace, Don and Myra Schanke were the first guests invited.

He planned a very festive party with an elegance that even Janette would admire, which was good, because he had both consulted and invited her. Janette knew he was hopeless at such things and wanted the party to be a hit, so she made several suggestions. She said that she might stop by to see how everything turned out.

Nick found the hardest part was finding two perfect gifts for Natalie. One to give her, publicly, at the party and a second he intended to give her when they were alone.

Nick was glad that Natalie had errands to run that would keep her busy most of the day because he knew it would take that long to put up all the decorations, something he wanted to do himself, rather than hire someone to do it for him. The caterer brought the food right before he had to leave for his shift. Nick didn't trust his cooking skills enough to make party food for a large group. Cooking for Natalie was different.

He remembered to place his food into a cooler on the far side of his bed alongside the wall where no one should find it, reinforcing the ice around the bottles with blue ice for maximum effect.

Once he was satisfied with the way everything looked, he headed for the precinct, hoping Natalie would not stop by the loft and ruin the surprise. He thought about changing the door code, but knew it would make her suspicious and probably a bit angry.

Nick entered the precinct and saw Natalie already there.

"Natalie, what brings you by so early in the shift?" Schanke asked.

"I found a few reports you had been waiting for on my desk and decided to bring them over."

"Thanks."

Natalie noticed that neither of them mentioned her birthday. It only added to the mild depression that had settled in that morning. She couldn't be happy because it meant she was that much closer to her disease progressing.

Nick noticed the sadness in her eyes, and understood. He hoped the party would brighten her spirits and not backfire, forcing her deeper into her depression.

During the night very few people wished her a happy birthday, which surprised her. At least this way she didn't have to force a polite smile as they offered her birthday greetings, sometimes a card as well. She wondered if those who had wished her a happy birthday, would've if they'd known her secret.

Around the middle of Natalie's shift, Grace entered Natalie's lab. Natalie looked up just in time to see her friend pull a gift from behind her back. Grace was one of the few that could cheer her up, no matter what.

"Happy Birthday, Natalie."

"Thanks, Grace."

Natalie unwrapped the box, and pulled out a mug filled with dark chocolate candies. 'In case of emergency, fill with chocolate' was printed on the white ceramic mug in a chocolate brown color.

"It's great. Thanks." She smiled, handing a chocolate to Grace before consuming one herself. Dark chocolate was her favorite.

Grace saw wisps of sadness cross her friend's eyes. "This is your birthday. You're supposed to be happy, not sad. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Sorry. I think working on my birthday is getting to me. It seems like I wind up working this day every year." Natalie wondered how Grace would react if she knew. Would she still be there for her or would she turn on her?

"Maybe you'll get lucky next year."

Natalie couldn't help but wonder how healthy she'd be next year. "I hope so." She tried to think positively. A small grin crossed her face as she realized that if she hadn't worked late on her twenty-eighth birthday she wouldn't have met Nick.

"That's more like it," Grace said as she left.

Schanke stopped by the loft after his shift. He had been assigned the task of making sure everyone arrived before Nick and Natalie did. He punched in the alarm code, which hadn't changed from when he stayed there. When he entered the loft, he was impressed with the decorations.

There was a very nice 'Happy Birthday Natalie' banner stretched across the railing on the upper stair landing, outside Nick's bedroom. Dozens of helium balloons of every color were anchored around the loft, their bright ribbons added to the very colorful, festive feeling. Red, yellow and pink roses decorated the table tops, since they were her favorite flower. Nick had purposely avoided the white variety, knowing the unpleasant memories and feelings it might bring back.

The guests began to arrive a few minutes later. They too were impressed with the elegance of the decor.

Back at the coroner's office, Natalie saw Grace passing by in the hall.

"Grace, how about we go out to dinner tonight? My treat."

"I'm sorry. I can't. I have a date."

"Do I know this person?" Natalie asked with a grin.

"Yes. I'm sorry but I've gotta run or I'll be late."

"Go on. I want to hear about it tomorrow."

"Sure." Grace was looking forward to seeing the expression on her friend's face. She hoped it would lift Natalie from her birthday funk.

Nick called Schanke at the prearranged time to make sure everything was still on schedule, pleased when it was. After he hung up he slipped his phone back into his pocket and entered the coroner's building. Once inside he headed for Natalie's office.

"Hi, Nat. You ready?" He saw the same sadness and depression in her eyes and wished there was something more he could do. Some way to ease it for more than just a few hours.

"Sure." She tried to sound cheerful, but didn't fully succeed.

She was a little surprised that neither he nor Schanke had mentioned her birthday. Nick had forgotten once before, she knew, but she was surprised that Schanke hadn't mentioned it. He had not forgotten her birthday once in the last five years. She wondered if something was afoot, but doubted it.

Nick and Natalie quietly rode up in the elevator together, with little to say to the other. As she leaned against the elevator's back, she glanced sideways at Nick. When the elevator stopped, Nick opened the door. Before they could get more than a step into the room, the lights came on and Natalie heard "surprise" being shouted by at least a dozen of her friends.

Natalie's eyes grew wide, stunned by the sight before her. A moment later she scanned the room, seeing almost all of her friends there brought a smile to her face.

"Thank you all," Natalie said, overjoyed. Yet, there was a hint of sadness buried deep in her eyes. "The loft looks great!" She was impressed.

"Happy birthday, Nat," Nick said, as he kissed her on the cheek.

Her friends wished her a happy birthday as well. Several hugged the birthday girl. Natalie forced herself to relax when ambushed the first time, knowing the disease could not be transmitted that way. She knew that if she pulled back she'd have to explain and didn't want to go into that territory. It would only ruin the festive mood around her.

Natalie began to wonder how many more birthdays she would see, how many before she would be too sick to care. She also wondered how they would react if they knew that she was HIV positive. Would they even be here? Would they want to touch her or consume the refreshments? She banished such thoughts from her mind not wanting to spoil the party.

Nick saw the far off look in her eyes and suspected she was thinking about the future and if her friends found out. He wondered if she was considering asking him to bring her across, or when and if he would make the offer on his own. He didn't have an answer and hoped he didn't need one.

"Nick, did you do all this yourself?" Natalie asked, pleasantly surprised.

"I had a little help from Janette. I don't know anything about party planning."

"It was all his idea, he just needed a little help in making sure everything turned out just so," Janette said as she entered.

Natalie turned around and saw Janette stepping off the elevator dressed in an elegant red velvet dress that was quite flattering.

"Welcome, Janette. Thanks for helping him. It's absolutely gorgeous."

"Happy birthday, Natalie," Janette said as she handed her a small beautifully wrapped present.

Nick escorted Natalie over to the couch where she found a mound of presents on the coffee table. The guests crowded around behind the couch. Janette took the chair near the couch and Nick sat on the couch next to the birthday girl.

Natalie opened Janette's present first. She pulled out a sterling silver hair barrette with a very ornate and stylish design etched into the surface. It looked like an antique, yet it also had a modern look to it. She found herself wondering how old it was and where Janette had picked it up.

"It's beautiful. Thank you, Janette."

Janette saw the question in Natalie's eyes was it an antique? She gave a subtle nod to say that it was. Natalie gave a small grin in response. She hoped Janette would tell her where she had found it and when. Janette was surprised when she noticed a hint of depression in Natalie's large blue eyes.

Nick handed Natalie a random gift from the table. She looked at the tag and saw it was from her friends at work. She opened the festive balloon and streamer print paper covering the box and found a black leather waist pouch inside.

"It's perfect. Now, when I go for my walks, I won't have to drag my purse with me. Thanks, guys."

"Exactly," Grace said, she'd been in charge of choosing the gift.

Natalie was totally enjoying herself, momentarily forgetting about her disease. She was feeling like she belonged. Not an outcast, but a person simply enjoying the company of her friends.

Next, Natalie was handed one of the three gifts Schanke had brought. It was tucked inside a gift bag that very colorfully said 'Happy Birthday'. From his expression Natalie could tell he had picked it out himself. She reached through the shredded paper and pulled out a mug which said "Top Notch Doctor" on it and had a toy stethoscope inside.

"Thanks, Schank. It'll come in handy. Mine always seems to be dirty." She playfully added the toy stethoscope to her attire, letting it hang down her front.

She saw Grace's eyes twinkling and shot her a kind warning look. Grace got the message, but her eyes didn't stop twinkling. Natalie's repressed grin, didn't go unnoticed by Grace.

The next brightly wrapped present Nick handed her was from Myra. She unwrapped it, finding a lovely royal blue silk blouse inside which would bring out her blue eyes.

"It's beautiful. Tell her thanks. Where is she?"

"She's sorry she couldn't be here, but Jenny has a few friends sleeping over. She didn't realize the conflict until earlier today. I'll tell her."

"I'm sorry she couldn't be here."

Next Natalie opened a gift from Jenny. It was a handmade paperweight that was star shaped. It was blue with silver and gold glitter sprinkled over it like stars in the sky.

"It's lovely. Thank her for me, would you?"

"I will. She'll be thrilled that you liked it." Schanke saw in Natalie's eyes that she really liked Jenny's gift.

Natalie opened each present as Nick handed them to her, making sure she thanked the friend responsible. After going through the pile, she came to the last present, Nick's gift to her.

Natalie noticed that everyone was curious to see what he would give her. They wondered would it be from a friend or something a bit more romantic. She was just as curious to see what he had chosen for her.

Inside the box were a pair of tickets to 'Phantom of the Opera', very good seats. The perfect gift. It could be from a friend or a lover. Natalie's face lit up as she pulled the tickets from the box, showing them to everyone gathered around.

"This is one of my favorite plays. Thank you, Nick." She rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek. "How did you get these? They've been sold out for months."

"I bought them as soon as they went on sale. I knew it was one of your favorites."

Nick picked up the pile of wrapping paper and was stopped by Nancy, one of Natalie's medical school friends. Nancy took the bows off the paper and headed for Natalie. Nick dumped the paper into the trash can. A frown crossed Natalie's face as her mind once again wandered.

Natalie saw Nancy approach and attempted to back away.

"Nat, you know the tradition."

"Oh, all right," Natalie said, not wanting to disappoint her friend. At least now she could explain the somber look on her face, if she had to.

Nancy proceeded to decorate the birthday girl with bows, putting most of them in her hair, and a matching pair on her shoulders. Natalie could hear the giggles coming from the guests, which lifted her spirits.

"Back in med school we would have a party for each other and decorate the birthday person with bows," Natalie explained.

"Did alcohol play a part in the start of this tradition?" Grace asked, teasingly.

"Yes, we were a bit drunk the first time. Bonnie made sure that everyone else went through it each year on their birthday."

"I like it," Nick teased. "A new fashion statement."

"Nick, your birthday will be here in a few months, as will yours, Grace," Natalie said with a wicked grin. Mischief dancing in her eyes. She loved the panicked look that momentarily crossed Nick's face and the huge grin on Grace's. "Everyone eat, drink, have fun."

The guests mingled, taking time to talk to the birthday girl. Nick received several compliments on the food and decor. Nick brought a plate full of goodies over to Natalie. She noticed he had a second plate with a few goodies on it causing her eyebrows to rise in the question 'are you going to try those?'

Nick ate the three or four items on his plate eliciting a large warm smile from Natalie and a disgusted look from Janette. He ignored Janette's look, but did notice the surprise mingled with the disgust.

"Janette, can I get you something?" Nick walked over to his old friend.

"I don't suspect you have anything I might like?"

"Actually, I did put something aside for you."

Nick left, returning shortly with a wine glass full of Janette's preferred beverage. She graciously took it from him and proceeded to sip it. Natalie joined Nick and Janette, who had wandered from the main crowd.

"Natalie, I picked up the barrette in a little boutique in Paris about fifty years ago."

Natalie smiled, "I had wondered. Thank you for telling me."

A short time later Natalie excused herself, needing to use the powder room, and take her latest round of medications. On her way back to the party she found herself staring out the window, once again lost in thought. What if Schanke found out? Grace? Nancy? How many here would suddenly become too uncomfortable to be around me? Too afraid? Her eyes seemed to look through the window, yet they didn't see anything out there.

Across the room Janette recognized the despondency radiating from Natalie's facial expressions and wondered why someone would feel like an outcast in the middle of their own party, especially someone that had been having a great time earlier in the night. Janette turned her attention to her brother, noticing a well hidden sadness in those immortal blue eyes, causing her to wonder why.

Grace approached Natalie, concerned that her friend was too quiet and withdrawn in the middle of her own party. She didn't like the somberness radiating from her friend. She found herself wondering if this was somehow related to the emotional aftermath of the rape.

"Natalie, honey, is something wrong?" Grace quietly asked.

"What?" Natalie was startled back to the present by the familiar voice.

"Are you okay?" Grace gently laid her hand on her friend's arm.

"I'm fine." Natalie smiled, one that didn't quite reach all the way up to her eyes.

"You sure don't look fine to me."

"I'm fine. I think the last few cases are catching up with me, as are the extra hours." She smiled again, this time she was more convincing. "Thanks for your concern. It's nice to know you worry about me."

Grace reluctantly accepted that answer knowing that she wouldn't get anything else until Natalie was ready to talk about it.

"I know adults don't usually play games at birthday parties, but..." Grace said with a wickedly mischievous grin. One that didn't go unnoticed by Natalie. "This party needs a little spicing up. Natalie, come with me."

Natalie was both curious and a little worried. She followed Grace to a spot by Nick's staircase. Nick was amused by Natalie's reactions.

"Wait here."

Grace walked over to Nick. "Now, it's your turn. Follow me."

Nick allowed Grace to lead him to a spot by the elevator door. Natalie enjoyed seeing the mix of emotions which crossed his face.

"Now that the umm, target is in place, as is the first umm, opponent, I will explain the game." Grace said enjoying the nervous looks on her friend's faces. "The game is pin the badge on the detective." Grace withdrew a kids police badge and showed the Velcro on the backside. "I couldn't have anyone hurting him, now could I?"

Grace walked back over to Natalie, blindfolded her and pressed the badge into her hand. Next she spun the forensic pathologist around a few times.

"Grace, one more spin and I'm going to be sick," Natalie said, gently warning her friend.

Grace removed her hands from the rather dizzy coroner's shoulders and Natalie staggered towards the direction she hoped Nick was.

"Nick?"

Grace's glare kept Nick silent. "He's not allowed to clue you in."

"How am I going to find him? This is a big loft."

"Okay. I'll give you one hint. You're heading the right direction." Grace knew that left a lot of territory to cover.

Janette found the whole situation most amusing, as did everyone else there.

Natalie staggered less as the effects of the spinning wore off. Her hands were out in front of her as she moved, not wanting to smack into anything face first.

She hit one of the dining room chairs and knew where she was. From there she knew exactly which direction Nick was in. She approached the door and was a foot too far to the left. A quick examination of the area showed her which way to go. A moment later an exploring hand found it's target. She ran her hands over his chest to the muffled giggles of her friends. She found where the badge would go on a standard uniform and attached it. She stepped back and pulled off the blindfold.

"Very good job," Grace said.

Nick saw that the game had indeed lightened her mood and was pleased.

"Do I get a prize?" Natalie teased.

"I think the physical exam you gave Nick is a good enough prize, but who was the main beneficiary of it?" Nancy teased.

Natalie blushed. Nick grinned. Everyone else giggled.

Several hours later the tired partygoers, said their good-byes and thank you's before leaving. Several wished Natalie one last happy birthday on their way out.

Grace and Schanke were the last to leave.

"Can we help you clean up?" Schanke asked.

"Is there anything we can do to help?"

"No, things are pretty much under control. Thanks for asking," Nick said.

They took the hint and left, both wondering what was going to go on now.

Nick heard the cars start and motioned for Natalie to sit on the couch. He made a quick dash upstairs and returned with another festively wrapped present. He joined her on the couch, handing the box to her.

"Happy Birthday, Nat. Here's your real present."

"You didn't have to."

"I know. I wanted to."

"You know for a moment today I thought both you and Schanke had forgotten."

"Did we surprise you?"

"I was surprised because he had never forgotten before, but I know you did once. The party took me completely by surprise. Thank you."

"I wanted to make this a birthday you'd never forget."

"I won't forget it." Natalie said with a smile that reached all the way up to her eyes.

Natalie opened her present, seeing the look on his face, a mixture of curiosity and concern.

Upon opening the box she found an old document inside. She lifted the antique wooden frame out of its tissue paper cradle. Upon closer inspection she discovered that it was an old medical license. The name on it was 'Nicholas Wright'.

"Was this yours?"

"Yes. I thought you might like to have it."

"I would. But, I can't accept it. It must be worth a fortune."

"Not really. The last I heard it was worth about a thousand dollars."

"What was it like to be a doctor back in..." She looked at the date on the license and it said 1853.

"It was quite primitive. Appendectomies and cataract surgeries had been done. We knew some anatomy, but most of it was still guesswork. Hypodermic syringes were used for the first time that year. The year before plaster impregnated bandages were invented. In 1851, the opthalmascope was invented."

"This is the best gift I've ever received. Thank you," She said, giving him one of her warmest smiles and a hug.

"I'm glad you like it," he said with that grin that always made her melt inside.

They were drawn into a sweet, tender kiss. One that came from friendship more than passion.

After the kiss broke off a thought occurred to her, could I accidentally infect him? He's not the full vampire he was when we met.

"Nat, you can't hurt me," He said reassuringly, seeing her concern, as he gently caressed her cheek.

"I know." She smiled, allowing his words to soothe her fears. "But sometimes I wonder..."

"I know. The vampire would have to be a lot weaker in order for you to be a danger to me."

A few nights later Natalie had decided to experience more of life, while she still could, and to drag Nick along for the fun of it.

She entered his loft hoping her first attempt at this would succeed. She saw him finishing up a painting and approached. She couldn't wait to see what he'd created this time.

"Nick, how about a concert under the stars? They're playing Beethoven." Natalie said as she caught her first glimpse of the work. It was a sun shining brightly over a field of wildflowers.

"Sounds good. Do I have time for a quick cleanup?" He asked as he set down his paintbrush. "What do you think?"

"Don't take too long. I like it." Natalie smiled as she continued to study the latest sun painting.

A grin graced his lips as he cleaned up the essential items. He left his brushes soaking and quickly changed out of his paint spattered clothes.

Moments later Nick and Natalie were out the door. She had him stop by the grocery store on the way to the concert so she could pick up some snacks and bug repellent. There was only one bloodsucker she would consider granting access to her body.

Once they had parked and headed out to the concert grounds, they looked for the perfect spot. They found one that was centered and far enough away from the speakers that they would not feel like they were at a rock concert.

Nick spread out their blanket, onto which Natalie set the picnic basket, before settling herself onto the blanket. He joined her. She leaned against his chest as the concert started.

Nick wrapped his arms around her.

"Nat, this was a great idea. Thanks for dragging me out here." He gave her another of those grins where she felt the warmth all throughout her body.

She smiled back at him. "I'm glad you like it."

She wanted the moment to last forever. The peacefulness of the night almost made her forget she was HIV positive.

A few minutes later she reached into the picnic basket for a snack. She had found what she wanted for herself and casually handed him something as well. He tried it, almost without thinking about it. This fact did not go unnoticed by her. Moved by the music he ate several bites of the sandwich before he realized what he was doing. She suddenly realized what they had been doing wrong all this time. They had focused on his eating, making too big a deal out of it. Nick had balked like a little kid forced to do something he didn't want to do, but would do if left on his own. She loved the surprised look on his face and fought to keep from giggling.

"It wasn't so bad, was it?" She teased.

"Actually, it wasn't," he said, surprised.

Natalie had eagerly awaited tonight, as Nick would soon arrive to redeem her birthday present. She was glad that neither had been called in on their night off, and was just as glad that neither were on call that night.

Natalie added the finishing touches to her makeup before slipping into her new black dress, one she had bought just for tonight. The dress had thin shoulder straps and a matching jacket. She gave her hair a final inspection before adding a pair of pearl earrings set in gold and a pearl necklace she had bought with part of her first paycheck from the Coroner's Office.

She heard the doorbell as she stepped into her black heels. She grabbed her slim black clutch purse and headed for the door, and opened it, ready to go.

"Wow! We should go out more often." Nick smiled, looking her over. She was stunning in the sleek black dress. It came to just above her knees as did the matching jacket. Her hair flowed about her shoulders.

"You look quite handsome in your suit." Natalie smiled, noticing he wore a tie.

Before long they entered the theatre and saw the available souvenirs.

"Nat, do you have the soundtrack?"

"I don't have the full soundtrack. They always seemed to be out of it, and ordering it was too much trouble. I've nearly worn out my other version."

Nick escorted Natalie over to the table where he bought her both versions on CD.

"Can I have a T-shirt?" She asked, hopefully.

"You can have whatever you want." He grinned.

She picked out an extra large T-shirt for herself along with a matching baseball cap. They would be useful for her workouts. She picked up a second extra large shirt and held it in front of him. His expression showed her he knew what was on her mind.

"Nat, I'll never wear it."

"Why not? It's your favorite color."

"Okay. I'll try to wear it sometime." He was determined to make as much of life fun for her any way he could. And if wearing the shirt would help, he would do it. "I'll take a program too," He told the salesperson.

The salesperson added up all the stuff, startling Natalie with the total. She began to feel a little guilty. She saw in Nick's eyes that he'd willingly buy her the whole table if it made her happy and felt the guilt ease. Nick paid the saleslady.

"I'll be right back." Nick headed for the trunk to tuck their goodies safely away.

Natalie moved aside, not wanting to block the table. She noticed all the patrons. She felt them all staring at her, whispering about her. She knew it was all in her imagination, but she couldn't help it. She had never felt so much like an outsider looking in, wanting to belong. Would they all shy away from me if they knew? Would they stare? Would they intimidate me into leaving? Would they make me feel like a freak?

Nick returned. He felt her elevated heartbeat and saw the tension throughout her body. It was very subtle, but it was most definitely there.

"Nat, it's okay. No one knows." He whispered into her ear, startling her.

"I know. I know I'm no danger to them." She whispered back. "I can't help it."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and felt her entire body relax. A small grin brightened her face. She wrapped her arm around his waist and banished all negatives thoughts from her mind.

This is a night for fun. She reminded herself.

They headed into the theatre proper. An usher checked their tickets and handed them each a smaller different program from the one Nick had bought.

"You weren't kidding, these are great seats," Natalie said from her front row center balcony seat. They were high enough to see the entire stage, but not so far back that they couldn't see it. The railing hadn't quite come to her knees when she was standing, which unnerved her because it was a long way down, but would not be in her way when she sat.

Nick looked over at her from time to time during the performance and noticed that she was captivated by the production.

She looked over at him once or twice, unseen by him, and found him hooked by the action on stage.

The play made her both sad and happy at the same time. The death part of the story reminded her of her own, which would come much sooner than it should. Will he ever bring me across? She quickly banished all negative thoughts from her mind and focused on the play. The parts about love made her happy and reminded her of Nick. How did I get so lucky?

Nick's thoughts were very similar to hers.

During intermission they stretched their legs by wandering out to the lobby area.

"Thank you for the perfect evening."

"It's not over yet. At least I hope not." A small part of him feared that something was wrong.

"Of course not. I just wanted to thank you."

Natalie missed his very subtle relief that she was fine.

A chime announced that the second half would soon be starting causing everyone to return to their seats.

The second half of the play was as mesmerizing as the first, captivating both Nick and Natalie.

All too quickly the play ended. As they left the main auditorium, Natalie headed for the door to the street. Nick wrapped his hand around hers and gently tugged her away from the door. A little confused and definitely curious she followed his lead.

"I have a little surprise for you." He grinned. "How would you like to go backstage?"

"How..." was all she got out before he cut her off.

"I know a few people." To her look he quietly said, "No, there are none of my kind in the cast, or crew." He raised his voice back to a normal tone. "You didn't answer my question."

"Yes, I'd like that, very much."

Nick escorted Natalie to the backstage door where he was stopped by the guard. As soon as Nick gave his name, the door was opened and he was directed to the dressing rooms. Natalie and Nick had to wait a few minutes while the cast changed out of their costumes. One of the costars opened the dressing room door and motioned for their guests to enter. Nick heard Natalie's heart rate increase as well as seeing the subtle signs of her nervousness as they entered.

The cast members introduced themselves to their guests, shaking hands as they did so.

"I really enjoyed the performance. Phantom of the Opera is my favorite show. Something about it hooked me the first time I saw it years ago and it's still as enjoyable as it was then." Natalie was surprised at how nervous she was.

"I'm glad you enjoyed the show. I have to agree that there is something magical about it. Playing the Phantom is one of the best jobs I've ever had."

Natalie, Nick and the cast talked for quite a while longer as everyone was having a good time.

"Natalie, I have another surprise for you," Nick said as the male lead pulled a framed, autographed cast photo out from under a crumpled item of clothing and handed it to Natalie. Nick loved the slightly bewildered look on her face which was quickly replaced by a large smile as she examined the picture in her hands. She loved the fact that everyone was in full costume.

"Thank you. This is terrific," Natalie said, still a little stunned. She knew how hard these things were to get and wondered how Nick had accomplished it. She hadn't decided if she'd let him keep that little secret or would ask him about it later.

The cast and crew remembered Nick from when he had helped solve a series of killings at the theatre two years before. The owner had told him that if he ever needed anything to let him know, so Nick had arranged for the "package" he had given Natalie that evening. Nick had insisted on paying for the tickets and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. The cast was more than happy to meet with them and sign the picture for Natalie. It was the least they could do for him. The cast was pleased by Natalie's great enjoyment of the picture, as well as meeting them.

When Nick and Natalie left the theatre about ten minutes later, they headed for the Caddie.

"Nat, what do you feel like doing now?"

"How about going somewhere for a snack."

"Okay. Anywhere in particular?"

"No." She had a hunch he might've planned something, and really didn't care where they went.

Before long Natalie and Nick arrived at one of the nicest restaurants in town. He loved the look of surprise on her face.

"Should I ask how many more surprises you have planned?"

"No. Just enjoy them. Remember, I promised you a night on the town after the theatre."

"That you did." Natalie smiled, causing Nick to smile in response.

They entered the elegant restaurant and were shown to a quiet table. Nick surprised Natalie by ordering something without having to be prompted.

"This has been the best evening I can ever remember. Would you be doing all this if..."

Nick cut her off knowing where she was heading. "Yes, I would. I told you that I wouldn't treat you differently, and I'm not."

Natalie took her handful of medication while she waited for dinner to arrive. She was a little self-conscious as she did so. Nick noticed this and took his vitamins so that she wouldn't feel so alone. She smiled, wishing the timing had been better, but knew there was nothing she could've done about it. She was glad that it had one good side effect, Nick remembering to take his vitamins.

The food came and Natalie discovered she was hungrier than she had thought. Nick ate a few bites of his appetizer. It was all he had ordered. He watched as Natalie finished her main course and then hungrily eyed the dessert cart, debating what to have, as it all looked so good. As soon as the waiter mentioned the sampler plate, she knew her decision had been made for her. She finished most of the sampler plate before feeling like she was about to explode.

After they left the restaurant Nick headed for the park, seeing how beautiful the night was. Nick and Natalie slowly strolled through the park, enjoying this rare time alone with no distractions. Nick saw the clear starry sky overhead and began pointing out the various constellations, pleased when Natalie seemed as interested as he was.

Natalie debated whether or not she wanted to go dancing, but after a few moments decided that she really wasn't in the mood for that, so the question remained unasked.

After their long walk Nick dropped Natalie back at her apartment. She thanked him for a perfect evening and invited him in. He reluctantly turned down the invitation and headed home.

She took her last dose of medication, changed and crawled into bed. It had been a long day and night, but one she would remember for years to come. Her dreams were sweet that day due to the sheer enjoyment of their night out.

Nick entered his loft, grabbed a wine glass and one of his green bottles from the fridge. He poured himself a single glass before putting the bottle back into the fridge. He took the glass with him as he went up to bed. He downed the glass' contents before changing into his black silk pajamas. He climbed into bed and was asleep within moments. He too had pleasant dreams and for the very same reasons.

The next afternoon Natalie had a bridal shower to attend. An old college friend of hers was getting married. While she enjoyed herself at Teresa's shower, a part of her wished she and Nick would be able to marry at some point.

All such wishes did were to bring more negative thoughts to mind. How long would we have? What kind of wife would I be, always sick?. I don't want him having to do everything for me as the end approached. She forced all negative thoughts from her mind before anyone noticed. This was supposed to be a festive occasion. She didn't want to try and convince her friends that nothing was wrong.

Several nights later she dragged Nick out for another adventure. He wondered about the two rather large duffel bags she on the back seat of her car.

Natalie drove straight to the park, loving the growing curiosity on Nick's face. Natalie handed Nick a duffel bag right after they got out of the car.

"Nat, what are we doing?"

"It's a surprise. It'll be fun. Just follow what I do," she said. At least it's supposed to be fun.

She sat down on the bench and unzipped her bag. Out of the bag she pulled a pair of inline skates. She had always wanted to try rollerblading but had been too scared... until now. I'm dying, so what the hell does it matter? It's not like I have forever, she thought as a grim expression shadowed her face. Catching herself, she put on a painted smile for Nick.

He noticed, but didn't say anything. He knew it would only lead to her insistence that nothing was wrong, and possibly a fight. He didn't want to upset her.

She loved the mixture of emotions as he saw her skates, knowing that he had a pair in his bag.

She untied her sneakers, took them off and stuffed them into the duffel bag. She reached in and pulled out the knee pads and slid them on. In place of her shoes, she put on and laced up the skates. Nick watched her and copied what she did. He had seen people doing this before and knew that sometimes they got hurt. She slipped on her elbow and wrist guards, not wanting to break anything and have her secret revealed. The last thing she donned was her helmet, knowing how important it was.

"Do I have to wear the helmet? I feel ridiculous," Nick said, almost whining.

"Yes, you have to wear it. I don't want you scrambling your brains."

Once Natalie had everything in place, she zipped up the bag and headed for the car. Nick followed behind her. He had a bit of trouble with the skates, surprising them both. He wondered why she seemed to glide so effortlessly while his vampiric nature was the only thing keeping him from falling. They dumped their bags back into the car. She enjoyed watching him getting used to having wheels under his feet, and gloried in having found something she was better at than he.

"Why do you want to do this?" He liked the joy he saw in her eyes.

"I hear skating is an excellent form of exercise. It's supposed to be fun too," Natalie said, covering her true feelings. Who knows if I'll ever get to do this once I become sicker? I have to live for today, for this hour, for me, Natalie thought to herself. Although she knew that it might be years before she developed full blown AIDS, she was learning that time wasn't an item that could be easily tossed aside or wasted.

He just looked at her with that 'you've got to be kidding' expression. She noticed and couldn't help but grin.

"Try and catch me," she said with a wicked twinkle in her eyes as she took off down the sidewalk.

He knew he could catch her in a heartbeat, but that would be cheating, so he took off after her mortal style. He let her have a good sized lead for a while before slowly closing in on her. He could see she was enjoying the chase as much as he was. As he started to catch up to her, she occasionally threw in an additional burst of speed, just to keep him on his toes. When he caught up to her, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulling her close to him.

"Had enough?" She teased.

"Yeah. How about you?"

She checked her watch, seeing that they had been skating for forty-five minutes. "Yeah. Something to eat would be good about now."

"Where would you like to go?"

"I don't know. Somewhere different."

"Have you ever tried Thai food?"

"No." She was glad that she wouldn't have to take her next dose while out, this time.

The teacher from Natalie's last guest lecture had arranged for her to speak to another group of students about a career in forensic pathology. She enjoyed doing it, but it always made her nervous beforehand.

She made sure she had all her notes, handouts, everything she needed before she gave herself one quick last look in the mirror. Her suit looked nice, her hair hung down around her shoulders. She grabbed her purse, briefcase, and car keys on her way out. She still wondered what would happen if they knew she was HIV positive, but forced her mind onto other subjects. She knew that no one could tell just by looking at her.At least they can't now, but what about as it progresses? She thought. Snap out of it. You can't live your life wondering what if, she thought, mentally scolding herself.

Before long she entered the classroom. The usual butterflies hit her as she was introduced.

"Class, this is Doctor Natalie Lambert. One of Toronto's top medical examiners."

"Hi, I'd like to start by giving you a description of my job, and then I'll take your questions."

She watched them all squirm around in their seats, trying to get comfortable.

"I've been with the Coroner's Office for almost seven years now as a forensic pathologist. I am called out to the field whenever a dead body is found. I work closely with the police department to determine under what circumstances the victim died. I use the latest technology to help me in my search for the answers. I think I'll stop here and let you ask your questions." She paused to look through the handouts she'd brought with her. She approached one student, handing him the first stack, so that he could take one and pass it to the next student.

"How did you get interested in forensic medicine?"

"I've always liked challenges. Solving a case is very much like doing a puzzle. I saw forensics as a way to challenge myself." She handed the next stack of papers to the same student to share with his classmates. As she did so she noticed her initial uneasiness was gone.

"What happens when you get into the field?"

"Without disturbing the crime scene, I examine the body to see what the cause of death might have been. I note down any obvious wounds, bruises or anything that might tell me how the victim died, and when. Sometimes it can tell us if it is one of a string of similar crimes. I also examine the area around the body for clues. Once that is completed I give my preliminary report to the detectives in charge of the case. Then it's back to the lab."

"Is that where you dissect them?"

"Yes. The victim's clothing will have been removed and packaged as evidence before the body arrives on my table. Once it arrives, I do a thorough external examination of the victim both with and without the aid of magnification. I look for traces of evidence which might be the key to solving the crime. Once that's done I start the autopsy. I have a set procedure I follow to make sure that nothing gets overlooked. I dictate my observations into a tape recorder so that I won't have to try and accurately remember them later when I type up the report." She felt completely normal. She was just an average person answering the student's questions. Not someone who was left HIV positive by the man who both raped her and infected her.

"Did you get sick the first time you saw a dead body? Or the first time you cut into one?"

"Yes." She smiled. "The first time I saw a dead body I turned a bit green around the gills. I was sick for three days after I did my first autopsy in medical school. After that, I had less and less trouble with it. You learn to separate your emotions and feelings from the job. If you don't, you won't last long. Yet, you have to be careful not to completely cut them off or you're in as much trouble." She noticed a few students were looking a little unsettled.

"Are there any types of cases that you have trouble with? What do you do then?" The brunette student asked curiously.

"Yes. Everyone has problems with certain types of cases. For me, it is burn victims and children. I take a deep breath and push all thoughts not related to work out of my mind. It often still gets to me. It helps to have a friend you can talk to about it. Someone who understands."

"Is it harder being a woman?" asked a female member of the class.

"Yes, but once you prove yourself it often doesn't matter. Where I work, it's how good you are that counts." She smiled.

"What happens after you complete an autopsy?"

"I prepare my report for the detectives in charge while awaiting the test results. I generally run a full spectrum of tests covering everything from toxicology to PCR. I try to piece together the information I learn into a picture of the criminal. Once I've gone as far as I can, I hand over my completed report to the detectives in charge, answering questions as new evidence is found or theories come up." She liked seeing the interest showing on many of the faces, and understood the feelings of the few who were starting to look a little green.

"What is your average caseload?"

"I generally handle between six to twelve cases a night. Some are cases that the dayshift did not get to, and some are new cases that come in during the course of my shift."

Natalie continued to answer questions for another hour before the class was over. She stayed after class talking to several interested students. She wondered if she was talking to future forensic pathologists or just curious students exploring their options.

Before Nick and Natalie knew it, Thanksgiving arrived, reminding them that they both had much to be thankful for. One of those blessings being that she had passed her latest checkup with flying colors.

Myra had invited them to Thanksgiving dinner, via her husband and would not take no for an answer.

Nick and Natalie arrived at the Schanke's on time. Under their coats, Nick had on a dark suit while Natalie had on a stylish royal blue dress. Nick had a bottle of wine in one hand, as a gift for their friends.

Don opened the door, motioning for them to enter. Nick handed him the wine as they entered.

"Nice selection, partner," Schanke said, knowing it had cost a few bucks. Don was dressed in one of his nicer suits, for the occasion.

"Make yourselves comfortable. Can I get anyone anything?" Don asked as took their coats. He lead them to the family room before heading off.

"I'm fine for now," both Natalie and Nick replied.

"Myra, can I do anything to help?" Natalie called out.

"No. I've got everything under control. I'll be out shortly. Thanks for the offer," Myra responded.

Nick and Natalie sat on the couch. Moments later Schanke returned and lounged in his favorite chair. Jenny bounced in and out of the room, talking with Nick and Natalie for a few minutes, then she grew restless and bored as the conversation became more adult. Natalie thought Jenny looked cute in her maroon dress, matching tights and black patent leather shoes. The youngster's long brown hair was nicely combed.

Before long Myra announced that dinner was ready. Everyone gathered around the table. Jenny was pleased to be seated between Nick and Natalie.

Schanke carried out the large, perfectly cooked turkey, setting it down in front of Nick.

"Partner, I'd like you to do the honors. No offense, Natalie."

"None taken," she said, lightly.

"Dad, you forgot the tradition," Jenny reminded him.

"Thanks honey. In our house before we eat we state at least one thing we're grateful for. I'll go first, if no one has any objections." Schanke looked around and saw none. "I'm grateful for my wonderful family, a great partner and a terrific friend named Natalie. And that everyone here is healthy."

Myra was next, "I'm grateful for a wonderful husband, a great daughter and two very good friends. I'm also grateful that we're all alive and healthy."

"I'm grateful to have two great parents and to know Nick and Natalie. Who are really cool."

"I'm grateful to be surrounded by wonderful friends," Nick said, feeling more like he belonged than he had in a very long time.

Natalie saw the happiness in Nick's eyes, something she didn't see there often enough. He had finally accepted that he belonged here, that he fit in, that he was loved.

"I'm grateful to have such wonderful, caring friends and to be here right now," Natalie said.

Both Nick and Natalie were grateful that she was still symptom free.

"Natalie, you're looking better than ever these days. What's your secret?" Myra asked.

"I've been eating healthier and getting regular exercise. If you stick to it, it's amazing how fast you can get into shape. I've only been at it for the last couple of months. I make sure I get a little each day, and a full workout three or four times a week."

"I have to start doing that," Myra said.

"Myra, I wouldn't mind the company," Natalie said, knowing it was more fun to exercise with a friend.

"I might just take you up on that."

"Natalie, I had noticed it, but didn't know if I should comment," Don said a little uncertain.

"A woman always likes to know when she looks good," Natalie teased. She felt normal, a feeling which gave her a great sense of peace. It allowed her to enjoy the evening without worrying about the disease. This did not go undetected by Nick, who was pleased to see her relaxing and enjoying herself.

Everyone at the table, with the exception of Nick, stuffed themselves until they thought they would pop. Nick had surprised everyone by trying a bite or two of everything Natalie ate.

"I thought you were on a restricted diet, partner. I'm glad to see you at least trying to eat."

"I am. It all looked so good I figured a few bites wouldn't hurt me. Besides, there's a doctor at the table," he said with grin. "It was delicious."

They moved into the family room to talk. About an hour later dessert and coffee were served. Shortly thereafter, Jenny fell asleep curled up in one corner of the couch.

"Let her be," Myra whispered to her husband. Myra knew that Jenny would feel like she was a part of things, even if she was asleep.

Two hours later Natalie excused herself and headed for the bathroom. She was glad to see paper cups in there as it was time for her to take her medications. She took the handful of pills, including the drug she had to take either two hours before or after eating.

A few hours later the adults were yawning. Nick and Natalie said good-bye and left. It had been a wonderful evening for everyone.

Nick dropped Natalie off at home before heading for his loft.

Nick entered his loft, heading straight for his fridge. He grabbed one of his wine bottles and a glass from the cabinet on his way to the couch.

He flopped down, poured himself a glass, and relaxed against the black leather of the couch. Great sadness crossed his face as thoughts of the future came to him. He knew that it was only a matter of time before Natalie was quite sick. They were both trying to pretend that wasn't the case, for the other's benefit.

Nick felt another's arrival and opened his eyes, hoping that it was not his father.

"Nicola, what has you so upset?" Janette asked, concerned about her brother. When Nick didn't respond she continued. "Does it have to do with Natalie?" She approached him.

Nick nodded, hoping Natalie would understand his need to talk to someone. Especially someone who had helped her after the rape.

"Is she okay?" She liked Natalie and hoped it wasn't anything too serious, but knew that it likely was due to the concern on Nick's face. She sat next to him on the couch.

"For now she is." Sadness coming through as he spoke. "The bastard who raped her also infected her with HIV." Nick noticed Janette was nearly as shocked as he had been when Natalie told him.

"I am so sorry, Nicola. What are the two of you doing about it?" She laid her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"She doesn't want anyone to know. We're going on as normally as possible. So far she's healthy and asymptomatic, so there isn't much that can be done outside of medications to slow down the progress of the disease."

"Have you discussed the possibility of her becoming one of us?"

"Not really. They tested her for HIV after the rape. While she was awaiting the results, she asked me if I would consider it if the results came back positive. I told her I didn't know. The test came back negative, so we didn't have to deal with it. After six months passed, she took a follow up test to be sure, and it came back positive. She even had herself retested to rule out a false positive, and it came back positive again."

"How are you both handling it?" Janette asked concerned. She knew how her brother tended to take bad news, especially where Natalie was concerned. She felt him tense up and removed her hand from his shoulder.

Nick took a deep breath, and spoke. "Janette, when I found out about it, I wanted that rapist dead. It would be so easy for me to get him. In my rage I could taste his blood, see his crumpled, drained body at my feet. How dare he do this to her!" Nick's fists were clenched as he spoke. Then he continued. "But I knew in my heart that getting sick and dying of AIDS, alone, would be more suffering than I could ever inflict on him."

Janette watched him. She knew he was speaking the truth, and how it hurt him to admit it. She saw his fists slowly uncurl as he took a sip from his wineglass. He offered it to her, but she shook her head.

"How is she doing?"

"She's doing okay, for now. They have her taking three different medications which are supposed to delay the onset of the symptoms and the serious illnesses. But the drugs aren't without their side effects. She takes a handful of pills several times a day."

"How's she doing emotionally?" She had seen how much trouble he had with the fact that Natalie would come down with AIDS.

"Natalie hasn't had an easy time of it. She tries to act like everything is okay, but I see the look in her eyes. It is the look of an outsider looking in, wanting to belong. When she first learned about it, she was devastated. First there were the tears, then the anger. She was mad at the rapist for infecting her, and at me because I'd live forever. I couldn't offer to bring her across then, she was too vulnerable and might regret making a hasty decision." Nick took another deep breath and continued. "The longer she stays healthy and symptom-free, the easier it is to believe that it will last for a long time."

"Are you willing to bring her across?"

"I don't know. I don't want to condemn her to this hell." He said, his heart breaking. "Then I think about the hell she'll go through as the disease worsens." Nick sighed, shook his head, then mumbled before taking a long drink from his glass, "Which is the lesser of two evils."

Janette remembered when he had loved her this much, knowing that Natalie was a very lucky woman.

"Listen to your heart. It will tell you what to do." Janette offered. "Listen to Natalie. Really listen."

"Thank you." He said as he gave her a quick kiss. He loved the surprise his action brought to her features.

"If you find that you can not bring Natalie across for one reason or another, I would be glad to do it for you. With her consent, of course." She wasn't sure how he would take that offer.

"Again, thank you. I will keep it in mind," He said, knowing she was looking out for both his and Natalie's best interests.

"Any time you need someone to talk to..." Janette said, knowing how hard it is to be alone.

"I will."

A few nights later, Natalie once again met Nick at the Caddie for their latest adventure. She couldn't wait to see what he thought of this one. He had the heater on making the car nice and toasty. She gave him the address and grinned at his surprised and slightly panicked look.

They arrived at the skating rink and parked. She wondered if he would be any better on ice skates than he had been with the rollerblades. He too was curious about his abilities..

They entered the rink and headed for the rental counter. With skates in hand, they headed for the nearest empty bench and slipped into the skates. This time they both had trouble walking in them. As soon as they reached the wall outlining the rink, they grabbed hold.

Cautiously, Natalie stepped onto the ice. It took her a few moments to get used to its slickness. Once she felt confident, she moved out of the doorway, still holding on to the wall for security.

Nick was ready to catch her if she fell. He knew it was his turn to step out onto the ice. He stepped out and had one foot on the ice and was about to set the other down when his foot slipped out from under him. He landed right on his butt.

Natalie almost fell as she nearly doubled over with laughter. The look on his face was priceless. She used her grip on the wall to stabilize herself while working to get the laughter under control.

As Nick picked himself up, Natalie could tell how much he wanted to leave, but was determined to keep him on the ice with her. He wanted to be anywhere else, and stayed only for her.

"I see I found another thing I'm better at," she said, having gotten the laughter down to a giggle.

They both knew that laughter was good medicine. It was one of the main reasons why Nick tried again. He hung onto the wall until he got the hang of it. Natalie was skating around him without much trouble. She didn't try anything fancy, not wanting to fall and break something.

Within a few minutes, Nick felt confident enough to move away from the wall, towards the outer edge of the main throng of skaters, where the slower skaters were practicing. He was tempted to hold onto Natalie for support. The ice skates felt even stranger than the inline skates had. He couldn't believe people enjoyed balancing on a thin metal blade. He couldn't believe that his vampiric abilities were totally useless here.

"Come on Nick, you can't tell me you're not having fun," she teased. She marveled at how normal he made her feel. Maybe it was the fact that they were both outsiders, and by banding together neither was alone. They were insiders in their own exclusive little group.

"I'm having more fun than I was a few minutes ago. I think I finally got the hang of it. Shall we venture into the crowd?"

"Sure."

Nick and Natalie moved into the main throng of skaters looping the rink, some at a rather fast speed. Neither had too much trouble keeping up with the crowd.

Natalie and Nick watched the various skaters, taking note of a young hotshot speeding around the rink showing off. They enjoyed watching the more advanced skaters in the center of the ice, the ones who were doing fancy spins, jumps and whatever they felt like doing.

About an hour later Nick noticed Natalie was tiring and motioned towards the edge of the rink. He saw her nod in response. They wove their way through the crowd, nearly reaching the edge of the ice, when the young hotshot slammed into them. The hotshot barely kept his balance while Nick and Natalie went down in a tangled heap.

"Ow!" Natalie cried out, pain leaping into her left wrist as she fell with most of her weight on it. Nick offered his hand to her, pleased when she took it. His strong, steady support allowed her to climb unsteadily to her feet without using her injured wrist. He wrapped his arm around her waist and escorted her to the edge of the rink, stabilizing her as she stepped off the ice.

Once off the ice they headed for the nearest empty bench. No sooner had she sat down, than he tried to squat down in front of her and found himself unceremoniously dumped onto his behind. She giggled despite her pain. He quickly untied and unlaced her skates before she could even attempt it. Her left wrist hurt so badly that she didn't want to move it or even touch it. It was already beginning to swell.

"Thanks, Nick."

He put her sneakers on for her and tied them, earning him a small, pain filled grin of appreciation. He took off his skates, slipped into his shoes and returned the skates.

Natalie touched her wrist, nearly hitting the ceiling as she touched what seemed to be the most tender spot. A wave of nausea hit which she forced back. She continued to gently examine her left wrist, wincing whenever she touched it. She hoped nothing was broken, six weeks of paperwork would drive her crazy.

Nick returned with a bag of ice and a couple of paper towels. He handed it to her, not wanting to hurt her by placing it on her injured wrist. She took the bag from him, wrapped one of the paper towels around it, and placed the icepack on her wrist for maximum effect, wincing when it made contact. The pressure of the ice hurt, but at the same time the cold felt good.

"This wasn't the way I had planned for things to go." She frowned. "I thought that after this we would go somewhere and have some hot chocolate and relax. Maybe catch a movie or just take another walk through the park." She paused for a moment as if considering things. "We still can do that."

"Nat, I think a trip to the ER is first. Then we'll see."

"Nick, I don't want to spend all evening waiting for them to tell me I just sprained it." His look told her that he wasn't buying her excuse. "I don't think anything's broken. I would be able to tell if it was."

"Natalie," He said firmly, before being cut off.

"The ice will keep the swelling down. All it needs is an elastic bandage and rest." A large jolt of pain along with another wave of nausea hit as her left arm was bumped.

"You're going." Nick said, seeing Natalie jump as the guy bumped into her.

"I don't want to."

"Don't make me pick you up and take you."

"You would too, wouldn't you?" She knew if she continued to fight him, he would carry out his threat. "Okay. Let's go," she said reluctantly, hoping that her being infected with HIV would remain their secret.

When Nick and Natalie entered the ER, they were pleased to see they had hit it during a brief lull so they only had to wait a few minutes before being seen. Natalie tossed the melted bag of ice into the nearest trash can.

Natalie had a seat on the exam bed. A few minutes later the doctor entered. She nearly hit the ceiling when Dr. Vincent touched the most sensitive spot, and winced when he touched anywhere else in the swollen, discolored area. He suspected there might be a fracture due to the extreme sensitivity, high amount of swelling and the fact that it was already turning yellow, green and purple.

Natalie was sent for x-rays. When she and the nurse entered the x-ray room, Natalie was directed to sit on the stool next to the machine and place her wrist on the top of the equipment's flat surface. A lead shield was draped across her midsection and she was asked if she were pregnant. The nurse seemed relieved when Natalie answered "no".

The nurse gently manipulated Natalie's wrist so that it was in the proper position for the x-ray, stepped behind the shield and activated the machine. The nurse returned to her patient and changed the position of Natalie's wrist to get another shot. Once that x-ray had been taken, the heavy lead shield was removed from Natalie's midsection, and she was led back to the exam room where Nick was waiting.

The nurse handed Natalie an icepack for her wrist before leaving. Natalie applied it. She and Nick talked to pass the time. Nick could see how uneasy she was and tried to keep her mind occupied.

About thirty minutes later the x-rays came back, showing no fracture, not even a hairline one. The nurse applied a splint to Natalie's wrist which would keep it immobile as it healed. Natalie winced as the nurse fastened the splint, due to the pressure against her very sore wrist. Natalie was grateful that she hadn't cut herself or that no bloodwork had been necessary.

"Dr. Lambert, your wrist seems to be badly sprained. You need to leave the splint on for the next three or four days. Then you can replace the splint with an elastic bandage." Dr. Vincent said. "Keep it elevated for the next twenty-four hours. Keep ice on it for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. I'm sure you know that drill. I'll give you a couple of Tylenol to ease the pain. Take a couple as you normally would for the next few days."

"Okay, thanks."

"If your wrist gets worse, I want to see you back here." Dr. Vincent knew that every now and then an injury was more serious than it appeared to be. Since she was a doctor, he didn't have to spell out the symptoms she'd display in that case.

"She'll be back," Nick said.

The nurse tried to get Natalie's injured wrist into a sling, but she refused. Nick knew that if she didn't want it, he couldn't change her mind, at least not without a fight. He didn't want to fight with her, so he let it go. He reminded himself that she was a doctor and a big girl. She knew what she was doing.

Once Nick and Natalie were back in the car, Natalie could see the guilt written all over Nick's face.

"It's not your fault. Besides, I'll be fine in a week, two tops. The splint is just to help it heal faster, that's all. The less it's moved, the faster it will heal. I've had worse injuries before."

"But when we fell we got all tangled up. Maybe if that hadn't happened, you wouldn't be hurt. Will this affect your fighting the disease?"

"No. It won't have any effect on that fight. Did you ever think that maybe our getting tangled up prevented me from getting hurt worse?" Off his confused look she continued, "Maybe if you hadn't been there I might have broken my wrist or maybe even my arm. Besides, if you don't lighten up we will be going back to the ER, and I won't be the patient."

"I'll try." He got her message.

"Besides it will look strange for you to be too worried over a rather minor injury."

"What about work?"

"Well, the criminals are behaving themselves due to the cold, so maybe I won't be busy for the next few days. If not, then someone else can handle the autopsies until my wrist feels better. At least it's not my writing hand."

"Why don't you take some time off?"

"No. I need to work. If I didn't, I'd go nuts." She had considered taking some time off, but knew she would need her accumulated time later when she began to get sick. She also knew that she would be bored staying home knowing she had chores to do, but wouldn't be able to do many of them. Besides, she wouldn't be in the mood for cleaning anyway.

"The old saying is true. Doctors are the worst patients," Nick grinned.

She playfully smacked him in the arm.

They went back to the loft where he prepared her a mug of hot chocolate with lots of mini marshmallows, just the way she liked it. He fixed an icepack for her wrist. They popped in a movie and cuddled up together.

Later when she fell asleep, he stretched her out on the couch, propped her splinted wrist up on a pillow, and covered her with a blanket. He brushed her hair out of her face being careful not to wake her and gently kissed her on the forehead before heading up to bed.

Late that afternoon when Natalie awoke, Nick drove her back to her apartment. He offered to wait and drive her into work, but she refused, stating she could drive herself.

The very first thing Natalie did was to take her medication and a couple of Tylenol. Then she stripped off her clothes, removed the elastic bandage and splint, turned on the shower, giving her wrist a quick examination while she waited for the water to warm up. It was about the same as the night before, the bruising was a bit more colorful, but that was to be expected.

Natalie didn't realize how much harder everything was to do one handed. As soon as she finished in the shower and had dried off, she put the splint and elastic bandage back in place. She slipped into a silk blouse, her blazer and a pair of pants because they were the simplest things she could find. This way she could get away without wearing her pantyhose. She slipped into her low pumps, grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

She decided she'd grab something to eat on the way in. It would be easier than trying to fix something.

Grace entered Natalie's office shortly after the ME had arrived and saw Natalie working on a report. She also saw the icepack and splint on her friend's wrist.

"Natalie, honey, what did you do to yourself?" Grace asked, concerned.

"Nick and I went ice skating. You should've been there. As soon as he got onto the ice, he fell on his butt." She smiled at the memory. "We had been skating for about an hour and were heading for the edge of the rink when some young hotshot plowed into us. Of course he didn't fall. Nick and I wound up in a tangled heap. I sprained my wrist as a result." She saw the disbelieving look Grace gave her. "We went to the ER and had it x-rayed. The doctor said that it was badly sprained and would be fine in a week or two. The splint is to help it heal faster."

"Uh, huh." Grace changed the subject. "So what made you decide to go ice skating?"

"I don't know. I used to enjoy it when I was little. I guess I just felt like it."

Later in the shift Nick and Schanke dropped by to pick up a few reports.

"Hi, Natalie. What happened to your wrist?" Schanke asked, concerned.

Natalie told him, leaving out the little detail of Nick's entrance onto the ice.

"I'm glad to hear it isn't serious. Be careful. We're not as young as we used to be."

"Thanks. I will try. What did you guys drop by for?"

"The Porter and Lord cases. Have you finished the reports?"

"I was working on them right before you came in. I have the Porter report done, and if you can wait about five minutes, I'll have the Lord report finished.

"No problem," Schanke said. "So, Nick, whatever possessed you to go ice skating?"

"It was Nat's idea. It was fun, until the mishap."

"Natalie, did he take good care of you afterwards?" Schanke asked with a mischievous hint to it.

"Yes, he did," she said.

The quick look between Nick and Natalie and their small grins told Schanke all he needed to know.

Natalie was glad that Nick was still cooking her dinner every night. She wasn't in the mood to try and fix some for herself one handed.

Two afternoons later Natalie threw a birthday party for Nancy. Her splinted wrist hampered her decorating a bit but gave her the chance to drag Grace in to help. Grace and Natalie had fun decorating Natalie's apartment, talking as they worked. From the way Natalie avoided using her injured wrist as much as possible, Grace could tell it was still quite sore.

When they finished, they stepped back and examined their work. The decor was lots of balloons with contrasting ribbons and a happy birthday banner. Next they set about putting out the food. They had chips and dip, finger sandwiches, cookies, and of course a birthday cake complete with the proper number of candles. There was soda, tea, and coffee to wash it all down with.

Natalie invited Grace to stay and enjoy the party, which Grace did with a little encouragement knowing Natalie might need some assistance.

Natalie had to answer the question "what happened" several times during the party. At one point she felt like making an announcement to get it over with all at once. She told her friends the same version she had used for Schanke.

Nancy enjoyed all the gifts she received, especially the small crystal vase Natalie gave her.

After the gifts had been opened Natalie enjoyed decorating Nancy with the gift bows, according to tradition. Most of the bows found themselves adhering to Nancy's hair with a matching pair attached to her shoulders.

After the party was over, Grace stayed behind and helped Natalie clean up. Grace saw the gratitude in Natalie's eyes before her friend's thank you.

After Grace left, Natalie's thoughts drifted to her thirtieth birthday party. She remembered her embarrassment when Grace and her fellow co-workers had given her the black teddy for her birthday, then Grace suggested she model it for 'that special someone'. Back then Nick and her were nothing more than friends, so the teddy was wasted. Now she had a lot more to worry about. Being infected with HIV sure puts everything into perspective. The only bigger problem she could think of at the moment was when the HIV became AIDS, and when she eventually would become too sick to do anything but lie in bed and wait for death.

A few days later, Natalie arrived home after a long, tiring shift and found her answering machine blinking. Fear ran through her, causing her to wonder has the disease progressed? She knew she had to listen to the message before her imagination conjured up all sorts of things she'd rather not think about. She reluctantly pressed play.

"Natalie, this is Scott Anderson. I'm calling to remind you that the opening of the new pediatric wing is next Friday at three pm. My number's 555-4453. I look forward to seeing you again."

Natalie breathed a sigh of relief as Scott's message played.

She smiled remembering Scott. They had been in the same class in med school and were friends. He was a brilliant doctor and had a special gift when it came to dealing with children. They had celebrated his appointment as Head of Pediatrics with a top notch night on the town. She had let him smooth talk her into agreeing to attend the opening. He knew of her fondness for children and used it.

Natalie was startled out of her reverie by her doorbell. She opened the door, allowing Nick to enter. She saw the grocery bags in his arms and followed him to the kitchen. It was then she remembered that he was going to cook here tonight so that she wouldn't have to drive home afterwards. She knew the other reason was that he had to work later than she had so it made more sense for him to come here than for her to wait there.

Before Natalie knew it, she was picking out which dress to wear to the opening. She chose a simple, yet elegant royal blue cocktail length dress. Once that task was done she slipped into the shower. Her next task was to get her thick mane blow dried and looking as good as possible. After debating whether she should wear her hair loose, pulled back, or up in a bun, Natalie decided to let it cascade over her shoulders. It looked best that way with the dress she had chosen to wear.

She was glad her wrist had healed well enough that she only needed the extra support of an elastic bandage when she was shopping or cleaning. She knew that it had healed quickly because she had put ice on it immediately after the injury and had followed the doctor's instructions.

She applied her makeup, using a little more than she wore at work. She knew people would give her some scrutiny as she wasn't completely unknown. She had managed to develop a pretty good reputation for herself due to her excellent work as a forensic pathologist for the Toronto police department. Before the HIV she would not have minded the scrutiny, but now it made her nervous. She was always afraid that people would be able to tell.

You're healthy and symptom free. No one can tell just by looking at you. She reminded herself.

The fact that the board members would be under even more intense scrutiny helped relieve some of the uneasiness she felt.

She slipped on her pantyhose, slip and then finally her dress. She fastened her simple gold necklace and slipped her gold hoop earrings through the holes before giving her hair one final brushing. After stepping into her blue pumps, she examined the full picture in her mirror. She was glad she had left the elastic bandage off, as it did not go with her outfit. Once she was satisfied with how she looked, Natalie grabbed her coat and headed out.

Before long she arrived at the hospital and was heading for the ceremony site. Due to the cold weather the ceremony was held in the first floor recreation area, as it was the largest space available in the wing. There was a raised stage with a neutral colored skirt covering its legs at the far end of the room. In the middle of the stage there was a podium with a microphone. Rows of hard folding chairs faced the stage. Some were already occupied. A banner sporting "Congratulations on the new Pediatric Wing" was hung across the wall directly behind the stage. Balloons and streamers tastefully decorated the ceiling and posts of the room.

Natalie saw other invitee's there and was glad that she was not the first to arrive, nor the last. She noticed the wealthy society women in their diamonds and expensive, one of a kind, designer dresses. She also noticed those who worked for a living, just as she did. They looked nice in their cocktail dresses or suits, with more subtle jewelry. The men from both groups were decked out in their suits and ties, looking much the same.

Across the room, Scott spotted Natalie and headed towards her, a large smile on his face. She saw him and returned the smile. They embraced each other.

"Natalie, I'm glad you came," Scott said excited, and a little nervous.

"I wouldn't miss your biggest and best achievement yet."

"What have you been up to since the last time we saw each other?"

"Pretty much the same. I'm still lecturing high school students, trying to explain to them what I do. And hopefully inspiring a few to be a part of the next generation of forensic pathologists. What about you?"

"This project has taken up all my spare time. Parts of it were a nightmare, but other's were wonderful. The best part of it is that it will provide a nice comfortable setting for pediatric AIDS patients."

Natalie started to panic and quickly slammed the lid on those feelings. She did not want to have to explain her reaction. She wanted to come up with any excuse why she couldn't stay, but knew that not only would it hurt Scott's feelings terribly, but he'd want to know why. He wouldn't settle for a simple explanation.

"We'll treat a wide range of pediatric illnesses and injuries, including trauma. We have a state of the art wing. All the professionals here enjoy working with children, and are some of the tops in their fields."

"I'm impressed. But then you never were one to do things less than the best." She was glad that he was too excited about his achievement to have noticed her slight panic.

"Natalie, is there anyone special in your life?" Scott asked curiously. He was more like a big brother than a potential romantic suitor.

"Yes. His name's Nick. He would've come with me, but he had to work tonight." A part of her was glad Nick had to work, yet a part of her wished he were here with her.

"He couldn't get the night off? What does he do?"

"He's a homicide detective. He and his partner had a few things that couldn't be put off until tomorrow night."

"I never could understand how you could be so happy working nights. But, now I can see one of the attractions." Scott grinned.

"I like the night. I'm not sure what it is about it that appeals to me." She grinned as she realized that her first sentence could also be taken as a pun.

"What?"

"His last name is Knight."

He grinned, catching the pun as well.

"Well, as much as I'd love to spend the whole afternoon talking with you, I really should mingle."

"I don't want to monopolize you on your big night."

Scott headed over towards a small group of guests.

Natalie found a seat out of the way, but near enough that she was still in the midst of things. She knew she was not ready to deal with seeing the pediatric AIDS patients and their parents. She had enough trouble dealing with the fact that she was infected and would die much sooner than she should. She knew she'd do anything to get out of having to stay, and wished she hadn't left her beeper at home.

You're here so deal with it. If you leave, Scott will be deeply hurt and want to know why. Are you ready to tell him, and possibly have everyone else find out why?

She didn't want to hurt him, or have her secret accidentally leak out. It left her with only one choice, to stay and tough it out.

Out of the corner of her eye some movement caught her attention. She turned to face it and saw several children playing and giggling. She estimated that they ranged in age from three to ten. She studied them for a few minutes, watching them act like the kids they were. The older ones were trying to play soccer with a fallen balloon while the younger ones were trying to grab hold of another fallen balloon which kept evading their attempts. Soon, their mothers came and led them away by the hand.

Natalie looked around and saw that everyone was finding a seat for the presentation, and did so herself. Her seat was not among the dozen or so chairs that had been set out on stage for the ceremony, but among the audience instead. She was grateful that she did not have to be up there. Once everyone was seated, she noticed that there were families up on stage with Scott.

Each adult on stage made a speech, some longer than others. The parents were there to give their support and thanks. They told their stories of how the new wing would help their families.

Natalie found these stories much more interesting than the boring speeches by the hospital bigwigs. She enjoyed Scott's speech. Her heart went out to the families, especially those who's children had AIDS. One story really tore at her heart. The parents didn't know they were infected until their son was born. Now they're all battling different stages of the disease. For once Natalie did not mind the fact that her parents and brother were dead, at least she would not break their hearts as she progressed and eventually died.

After the ceremony everyone crowded around the main entrance to the new wing for the ribbon cutting ceremony. Scott cut the ribbon and lead the crowd on a tour of the new area. He pointed out the high points as the tour progressed.

After the tour, there was a reception. Food and drink was elegantly laid out. A band played softly in the background.

Natalie filled her plate and looked for an available table. Scott motioned her over to join him. Moments after she had sat down, a family joined them. Natalie remembered hearing that their six year old daughter was a pediatric AIDS patient. Natalie wished she had some excuse to be anywhere but at the table. She mentally scolded herself, knowing that she of all people should not shy away from them. She decided it was because she wasn't ready to truly face having HIV.

The little girl with curly light brown hair was a bit thin for her age, but other than that she showed no outward sign of the disease. Her parents were pretty average looking. The father was about forty with brown hair and seemed to be pretty fit. The mother was maybe a few years younger, with blonde hair and was also pretty fit. There was a definite sadness deep in their eyes, yet there was a joy there too. They knew that time was precious and savored every moment with their daughter.

Natalie found she had a hard time feeling as sorry for herself as she had been. She saw the little girl before her, one who would never do the things she had done, go to her first school dance, go to college or fall in love.

"Natalie, I'd like you to meet Kevin, Amanda and Christine Parsons. Kevin, Amanda and Christine, I'd like you to meet Dr. Natalie Lambert."

"Nice to meet you." They said to each other.

"Dr. Lambert, what's your specialty?" Amanda asked.

"Natalie, please. I'm a forensic pathologist. I work with the police department."

"I've seen your name in the papers a few times," Kevin said.

Natalie hoped it wasn't only du